I decided to sit at one of the beachside cafés and ponder the question. It occurred to me that a book I had recently purchased called Practicing the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, was in my bag. I took it out and flipped through the pages, hoping it would give me a clue. I came upon this passage:

“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life. The only place where you can experience the flow of life is the Now, so to surrender is to accept the present moment unconditionally and without reservation. It is to relinquish inner resistance to what is.”

A surge of profound insight rushed through me.

In the five minutes it took to read and absorb that passage, I had an instant awakening. It was miraculously clear to me:

“Accept the flow of life.” These people and situations were exactly the way they were supposed to be; my resistance to them was only causing pain and suffering for myself and those close to me. I needed to surrender to what was, and to what is, moment by moment.

For years I had vacillated between living in the past and the future. For me, the present was simply not present! It was merely a stepping-stone for the future. Intuitively, I knew Tolle was right, that living in the moment was the answer.

I’d tried using sheer discipline and perseverance to achieve this goal, but it would only work temporarily. Now all at once I had a knowing that this time was different. This time, the pain had been too great. I had to change my outlook in order to be happy — here or anywhere. There was no other way. I was finally ready to embrace this higher level of awareness.

Six years have passed since that climatic day on the beach. I am thankful for the lesson I had to learn in order to be at peace with my decision to stay. We have been living here happily ever since, and I have no regrets about my choice. I have successfully integrated this lesson into my life because I am ready and I have discovered mindfulness meditation.

Through meditating every day, I am able to slow my racing mind and be present at a much deeper level. This higher level of awareness is who I am; it is no longer forced, or something that is outside of me.

Now when I see the poverty and hear of the tragedies, I do my best not to resist. I do what I can to help, and accept what I can’t.

I now understand that it is necessary to find the balance between the joys and sorrows of life. Regardless of where you live, tragedies and sadness are part of life, and inescapable. It is how you choose to perceive these situations that creates your reality.

Some people (as I did) think that acceptance and surrender are weak. Rolling over and letting life treat you like a doormat. On the contrary; acceptance and surrender are the keys to happiness. Our pain comes from resisting. We still need goals and dreams and the drive to take the actions necessary to move forward. At the same time, we can accept what life throws at us along the way.

My perspective on my new country was rapidly shifting from positive to negative. This new reality was hitting me like an oncoming train. The six-month honeymoon with my new home was now over. My dark feelings were self-perpetuating, and what’s worse, I didn’t know how to stop them. It was a downward spiral, as each negative thought attached to the next negative thought like links on a chain. The more links, the heavier the chain and before I knew it, I was a prisoner, captive of my own feelings.

For weeks afterwards, I tried to live life normally, telling myself that everything would be okay, but the confusion and doubt would inevitably return.

I decided that I needed to clear my head, so I took a walk along the beach to town, hoping the change of scenery would lift my spirits. It was a beautiful, sparkling day. The ocean was calm; without the wind swept waves it looked especially green and luminous. The sun was powerful overhead making the sand burn beneath my feet. As I walked, I breathed in the incredible beauty of Dominican Republic and reminded myself of the reasons I had moved here — the sun, the sand, the ocean, the fresh air, the mountains, the friendliness of the Dominican people, and the relaxed, unhurried lifestyle. By the time I arrived in town, my spirits had lifted.

But it didn’t take long for the storm clouds to return.

Once again, I was witnessing the painful contrasts of this place: Many of the local children were walking around under the hot sun with shoeshine boxes under their arms, hoping to make some money so their families could eat. I reflected on how difficult it must be to make a living as a shoeshine boy when most people wear sandals or flip-flops. I thought: What choices do these children have? Many are born in absolute poverty with no hope of an education or any chance for a better life.

I saw men carrying heavy boxes full of clothes, belts, wallets, and trinkets, hoping to entice the touristas with their wares. But many of the tourists ignored them, and some were downright rude. A big expensive SUV rolled by, its passengers impeccably dressed in designer clothes, a chauffeur at the wheel.

I was finally ready to ask myself the questions that I had been afraid to, unsure if I wanted to hear the answers, now demanded recognition:

How can a highly sensitive person like myself be happy in a place like this? Should I go back to Canada and pretend that this suffering does not exist, that the tragedies of Marc El Wafi and others aren’t real because I am too far away to be touched by them? If I stay, can I handle it?

In just eight months at the school, he had touched their hearts deeply and made an imprint that would last a lifetime.

After the shooting, I began to question our recent move to the Dominican Republic where this terrible tragedy took place. This was a move that my husband and I had envisioned for many years.

It had taken a lot of hard work and effort to finally realize the dream of living in what I thought would be paradise. I’d naively assumed that once our vision became a reality, life would be perfect; vacation bliss a permanent mindset.

Our search for this paradise… began twenty years ago when my husband and I developed a passion for windsurfing. Countless days were spent sitting on the beach waiting for the wind that was forecasted, but seldom came. It was very frustrating and unproductive. My husband and I knew we were living in the wrong place… this was demonstrated by our,constant cravings, discontentedness and dreams of one day moving to a warm and windy tropical paradise.

Dominican Republic was one of our favorites. We had an immediate connection with its beauty, friendly people and relaxed lifestyle. Not to mention the consistent wind and warm water! We toyed with the idea of packing up and moving. But in the end, it was just talk. We didn’t have the courage to become the adventurers we longed to be.

My husband and I spent the next eighteen years working hard, having a wonderful child, and creating a superb lifestyle for ourselves; filled with prosperity and love. Most people would have been happy with our lifestyle and generally we were, but there was always something missing, it didn’t feel like it was the life we were born to live.

The rat race of Toronto finally wore on us and we moved to the country. I had figured out how to do my job from a home office and commute to Toronto only a couple of days per week. The move was a wonderful transition and appeased us for a while, but inevitably the same question would arise;

“Why are we living here?” We were vehement about our dislike for the winter and now that we lived in the country on a large body of water, the winters were even longer and colder. Life was too short to live somewhere we didn’t truly enjoy; something had to change.

The main reason we were still tied to Canada was because of my job, leaving it was not an easy decision. I had developed a very successful company with eighteen-years of blood, sweat and tears. How could I just walk away?

Then a well-disguised opportunity fortuitously came into my life.

I injured my back; the injury was severe enough that I was bed ridden for five months and then spent another year after that recuperating. I had to close down my business because I could no longer work as a Search Consultant, my back would not tolerate the discomfort of sitting for long periods of time.

This forced separation with the security of my eighteen-year profession was the final catalyst I needed to make the big leap into the unknown.

Our friends and family in Canada were surprised with how quickly we were implementing our new plan. They thought we were making a hasty decision. We knew we were not; the decision was the fulfillment of a twenty-year quest.

I had an inner knowing that this was what I was meant to do. The time was now. No more wishing or dreaming. This was going to be my new reality. It seemed like the Universe was conspiring to make this work for me. So it is no wonder that I naively imagined life would be perfect…

In fact, to me monkhood is nothing much, it’s just wearing a different uniform, from Dockers’ pants to saffron robes, or like working in a different firm.

What’s more, being a monk is what’s made an individual like me change.

And l don’t feel inadequate or contempt or inferior. I only feel happy.

The answer actually boils down into just one sentence.

I just ‘let it go’.

When I let go, I feel lighter. When I feel lighter, I feel happier.

Look at this mathematic function [y = 1/x]

When ‘x’ is less, ‘y’ is more.

When ‘x’ is a lot lesser, ‘y’ is even much, much more – exponentially more.

‘y’ = happiness, ‘x’ = the attachment I have.

Why is that so? That’s how the game works; it is the law of nature. When you let go of something from your hand, obviously you feel lighter. No doubt about it, right?

Why Can’t I Let Go?

Let it go…but how?

You know yourself that sometimes you have to let go of certain things in your life to make your life happier each day, but somehow it doesn’t work.

“Why can’t I forget him after so many years of relationships” or “Ahhh…This person makes me so frustrated!” or “Oh…they have it? I also have to have it.”

Letting go sounds easy but why can’t we do it sometimes? You know why? It’s a law of cause and effect.

You can’t let go by just letting-go. You have to produce enough cause for ‘letting go’ to happen.

What causes the ‘let-go’ effect? That’s a question we shall address today.

The Path

The answer is ‘The Path’. When I step on this path, the ‘letting-go’ effect begins to take shape and I become lighter. When I become lighter, I feel freedom. When I feel freedom then I feel relaxed. When I feel relaxed, then I become tranquil. When I’m suffused with tranquility, then I experience equanimity from within. And this is the process of happiness.

What is The Path? It consist of 8 elements.

1. Right Understanding

You have to understand what the problem is, and what isn’t. When you realize what the problem is then you can solve it.

2. Right Thought

Those negative thoughts are harmful. Get rid of them.

3. Right Speech

When you have positive thoughts then you can speak positively. In fact, speaking positively can also influence positive thought and vice-versa.

4. Right Physical Action

It doesn’t mean to take action towards your goal, it means to act positively. When you think positive, say positive things, then of course you can act positively.

5. Right Livelihood

When your ‘thoughts’, ‘speech’ and ‘action’ are right, then you have to put it into your life. Living by doing it all the time. Live by it.

6. Right Effort

In doing all these, you have to put in your effort. A kite needs to go against the wind to be able to go up. Whenever obstacles put you into the negative domain, you have to use your effort to push it back.

7. Right Mindfulness

Be careful, sometimes negativity comes. So you have to be mindful. Guard all your senses by being mindful of what enters your mind.

8. Right Meditation

It is a balance of the mind. It the state of mind where you can gain inside happiness and use this power to ‘let-go’.

I hope you can start to hop on The Path and experience more inner peace, by letting go of some of the things that have been bothering you right now.

Be well.

P.S. Alvin mentioned about Living The Important, that’s an exact example of how we use our path to be happier and make the most out of our life.

Edit from Alvin: I’ve made some changes to the grammar and helped Paiboon create a table.

Your Mind, Your Body & a Thing

A lot of us use a computer almost everyday. It helps us get things done, communicate with people and learn new things. It is a source of pleasure but also pain. But you know when a computer breaks down, you wouldn’t say that ‘you’ were broken.

You live in your body in every moment. It helps you get things done, communicate with people and learn new things. It is a source of pleasure but also pain. When your legs are sore, you sometimes say; ‘my legs are sore’ and sometimes ‘I’m sore’. Yet, who is this you who is feeling sore – is this you really sore?

You use your mind in every conscious and unconscious moment. It helps you get things done, communicate with people and learn new things. It is a source of pleasure but also pain. When your mind thinks and feels something, you don’t even hesitate, you say straight away ‘I am thinking this’ or ‘I am feeling that’. But who is this you who is doing this feeling and thinking – if it were really you doing that, could you have been able to step away and taken a look at what you were doing while you were doing it?

It’s easy to see things separate from ourselves as not-us. It’s more difficult to see our body as not-us, very difficult sometimes. And much more difficult to see our mind as not-us. But you are not the workings of your mind, you are so much more.

Who Are You Really?

What you really are, is consciousness/awareness. That consciousness/awareness is what allows you to witness the workings of your mind and take a few steps back to look at yourself, or what you ordinarily identify as ‘yourself’. But because our minds are so closely attached to our awarenesses, we easily mistake the workings of our minds as our own doings.

Without awareness, we mistake the random workings of this magnificent tool as our own doing. We get into all sorts of misery, when the mind pulls up a bad memory we suddenly lose our focus, when it makes up a negative movie on the spot of how things could go bad in the future we lose our positivity.

We forget that the mind is a tool, the same as the body is a tool. Instead of using our awareness to direct the inner engines of our mind, we allow the engines to run amok and drive us this way and that – sometimes even tugging us in opposite directions!

So how do you take control of your mind and retake the driver’s seat?

The good news is that there’s a way. The bad news is that it’s not easy and requires constant practice. We know that we can’t grow muscle just by reading about exercise. But because we identify ourselves with our minds, we think that when it knows something, we know something. Just like when you hear that you are really awareness, and not your mind.

But you only know it on an intellectual level, not on an experiential level.

There’s a Paupa New Guinea proverb that goes:

All knowledge is only a rumor until it’s in the muscle.

How Do You Take Back the Driver’s Seat?

So how do you train your awareness so it’s strong enough to be the director of your thoughts and the chooser of your emotions, instead of having your thoughts and your emotions choose you?

Meditation is the method.

And no, you don’t have to go into the mountains with nothing but a toga to make meditation work for you (you don’t even have to go to a 10-day Noble Silence meditation retreat like I did!).

You just have to sit in silence, once everyday, for as long as you can. Just sit and focus on one thing: your breathing – nothing but your breathing. Whatever thoughts come up, just let them be, observe, do not act. Just be aware, just be.

Like exercise for the body, the more you train your awareness like this, the stronger your awareness will become.

In case you’re wondering, when your awareness becomes stronger, you’ll still feel frustrated, depressed or anxious at times. You’ll still find yourself having negative thoughts. A strong awareness doesn’t make you a neutral robot without feelings or opinions.

But it makes your ability to choose stronger. With awareness, you’re able to catch yourself in the patterns of negativity. And realizing you are not your negative feelings or thoughts, be able to step away from them and choose other feelings and thoughts, feelings and thoughts that empower you and make you happier instead.

Photo by skyseeker.

Without any external inputs and any way to output my thoughts, I was forced to observe. Forced to observe myself, my own thoughts and feelings.

I saw the inordinate amount of rubbish that went through my mind everyday, and I found a way to be aware of it and be pulled along unawares. I saw old mental patterns emerge and new perspectives on old misgivings.

Everything is Always Changing

The beautiful Buddha statue outside the Prachinburi Vipassana center.

One of the central Buddhist principles is impermanence, the idea that everything cannot exist forever and will arise, then pass away.

In Vipassana meditation, I was guided to watch this process in action in my internal universe. By observing our thoughts, emotions and physical sensations, I noticed how they would all arise, and then naturally pass away.

The most difficult but also most enlightening examples of this lesson were during the Hour of Strong Determination, when we were challenged to sit absolutely still for an hour. The pain in my legs, back and shoulders would get very intense for sitting so long, and my body would scream at me to just stop doing this ridiculous meditation and give up.

At the same time, my mind was going crazy with the pain, because it felt like it would last forever. But always, if I could find my center and focus exclusively on the moment, I could always come through the pain, and it would naturally pass away in time.

I experienced the same effects with my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes during meditation, unpleasant memories would arise and make me feel miserable. But through awareness I realized that these too dissipated given time.

Because of these experiences, I experienced impermanence for myself, not as intellectual knowledge but as personal experience. No pain, physical or emotional, can last forever – it just isn’t possible.

Old Memories Resurface

A friend of mine told me that when she went for the course, she remembered things she hadn’t thought of in years. I was curious about this and looked forward to experiencing it for myself, and yes, it happened. When it happened though, I realized it was no big deal – this kind of thing happens to us all the time!

The mind, when untamed, is like a wild animal. Day after day, it drags up random thoughts and stuff from our past or imagined future, and causes us to feel random emotions as a result. Reliving these old memories isn’t a significant event at all, the important thing is to train yourself so you remain equanimous and aware no matter the memory or emotion you experience.

Who Controls You?

So who controls you? Your mind, your body or your awareness? The more conscious and awake you can be, the more power you have over your decisions. Otherwise your mind will pull you in one direction in one moment, and your body in another direction the next.

Tony Robbins is fond of saying it’s in your moments of decisions that your destiny is shaped, and you want to be as aware as possible during those moments so you make the best choice for yourself.

Like body-building for the body builds strong muscles, meditation for the mind builds a strong awareness. You can’t read your way to big biceps (unless you read really heavy books all the time!), and you can’t read your way to a stronger awareness. Like exercise, you have to meditate constantly to keep your awareness in shape.