Time with their Dad is more fun and games. He is active in their lives and adores his kids but truth be told, it is Mom who has the day-to-day responsibility of their lives. As a divorced Mom, I am the housekeeper, the chauffeur, the computer consultant, the cook, the laundress, the working Mom, the secretary, the caregiver, the tutor and the disciplinarian just to mention some of the hats I wear on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like the invisible third wheel. I rarely have the chance to just enjoy them. So I made a decision.

Over the December holidays I planned a trip to Costa Rica. Now teenagers do not like to go on vacation with their parents. They want to take a friend along because God forbid they have to spend too much time with you! But traveling to Costa Rica with friends was not in the budget or the game plan. I wanted us together with no distractions: no chores or errands or homework or computers or television. Just downtime together. Plus adventure. No fancy resorts like Atlantis for this Madre.

The magic began the minute we left. I think to my kid’s credit, they knew that the trip meant a great deal to me so they were on their best behavior. Our first day in Costa Rica was sightseeing in the capital of San Jose. That evening we had dinner at an upscale restaurant at our hotel. The three of us dined, really dined, for about two hours. We talked, laughed and ate a fantastic dinner. It was sheer joy for someone who had felt like Commandant Klink for too long.

Towards the end of the dinner, my thirteen-year-old daughter climbed into my lap to snuggle. After about ten minutes she moved into her seventeen year old brother’s lap and he actually permitted her the opportunity! Enough to bring tears to my eyes. Remember, this is a teenage boy. Demonstrative attention in public from a Mother or a little sister is basically verboten. Miracles were already happening and we had just arrived.

The only responsibility I had (outside of their safety) on this trip was to enjoy my kids, period. I had arranged through a phenomenal tour company based in Costa Rica to have all our needs met beforehand. I didn’t have to worry about transportation. Drivers met us at the airports and took us to our hotels. Guides were on hand without my having to call anyone to take us around to all the sites and give us in detail information about our various outings. Our days were all pre-planned and chocked full of adventure. We even had a guide who traveled with us for four days. There was very little to divert my attention from Jake and Sylvie.

We had many adventures: outrigger canoes in the Pacific, deep sea fishing, snorkeling, zip lining through the rain forest, hiking, natural thermal springs and white water river rafting. Nature, the great attraction of Costa Rica, and its splendor was breath-taking for all of us. We had much to be amazed at and appreciate together: whales, iguanas, flying stingrays, lizards, exotic birds, tropical rain forest mammals, butterflies, monkeys and rain-forest frogs. Sharing these wonders was what bonding is all about.

My son will be off to college next year and as a senior in high school, outside of meals, it seems we never see or really talk to each other. Not so in Costa Rica. There was many a night when just the two of us (his sister was in bed) sat around and talked. I learned he really missed his girlfriend. I heard stories of his escapades with his buddies. We talked about the divorce. We talked.

During our ten days away, I would often find myself just staring at their faces in awe. That was a very different feeling from wanting to strangle them at home! How did I come to be the Mother of these two beautiful young adults? They are gregarious, intelligent, engaging and loving kids. I can hardly remember them as babies. They have grown too fast (as we were all warned) and will soon fly the nest. The time we had together was simply too precious.

I resolved to find other ways to be together without life’s daily and mundane distractions. It isn’t easy getting a teen to spend time with you. They would rather be with their friends. But what I learned in Costa Rica was time with them in a setting that is conducive works and is incredibly satisfying.

We don’t want to insist that our kids spend time with us, we want them to want to on their own. But teens are far too preoccupied with themselves to do that. Self-absorption is part of the teen years. A big part! Just as we must lay down the law as to their responsibilities and their behavior, so too must we ask that they make time for us; just not too often.

If you can’t afford to get away to Costa Rica you can always come up with other ways to be with your teens. Finding things to do together that hold their interest is a start and something new and really different works well. Pre-planning so they can adjust their schedules is a must. Even a special dinner can be a small trip to intimacy. Have them clear their schedule for a whole hour to just eat and talk;not the usual ten-minute dinner you slaved over for two hours!

My ten days with my children in Costa Rica was one of the most fulfilling things I have done. I reconnected and got to know them again. I took off all the hats I must wear everyday and only wore a sun visor. I was Mom the adventurer versus Mon the pest. I was a wonderful dinner companion not the insulted chef. I was the woman who belly-laughed versus the woman who hadn’t seemed to crack a grin around them in too long. At home I complained that I was the woman who seemed to constantly nagging and directing my kids and it was tiring and depressing. I wanted them to see the real, authentic me; someone I needed to re-connect with in a big way. I did that in Costa Rica. I was the woman who opened up the world for them in new and astounding ways. Super-Mom. Perfecto!

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My friends and I decided to rent All-Terrain Vehicles for the dirt trail tour the resort offered. Only they didn’t have enough motorbikes, so my girlfriend and I decided to ride the 2-seater buggy.

Everything started fine as we revved our engines and enjoyed the ride. Halfway through I switched to a motorcycle with another friend of mine while my girlfriend stayed in the buggy’s passenger seat.

The dirt trail was mostly smooth, with occasional fake obstacles placed in the way. One of the obstacles was a rolling ditch in the ground. Our motorcycles cleared the ditch safely and we stopped to watch the buggy catch up from behind.

The moment the buggy hit the ditch, something went wrong. It jumped into the air, and – my heart stopped – I watched as my girlfriend nearly flew out of the buggy and worse, the buggy looked like it was going to tip, right onto my girlfriend.

It happened in a few seconds, but those sickening few seconds was a frightening eternity for me.

To my relief, my girlfriend caught her arm on the side of the buggy and stayed inside, and the buggy righted itself after it bounced for a couple more times. After that, I took back the driver’s seat and drove – slowly – the both of us back.

Later that evening, I was looking at my girlfriend…and I couldn’t believe she might not have been there with me that night, safe and sound as she was, if just one little thing had been different – if the angle of the steering wheel had veered a little bit off or the buggy had been a little bit faster.

And there, earlier that morning, we had been snug in each other’s arms, enjoying each other’s company.

It made me realize – we can never take too much for granted.

We can never take the people we love for granted.

And it is never too late to show the ones you love how much you care.

In Are You Masculine or Feminine? Part I we talked about yin and yang, an ancient but easily understood way to grasp the masculine and feminine relationship. We also defined the masculine and feminine energies and how they must complement each other in a relationship.

But what happens after you develop your inherent masculinity or femininity?

A Man Must Become A Woman

Where do you go after you learn to relax into and express your core essence? To achieve wholeness, you must now learn to embrace your opposite: the masculine core embraces feminine qualities and vice-versa. A man learns how to enhance his relationships, build empathy and express his feelings. A woman learns how to be decisive, powerful and dominant.

In modern society, both sexes already learn to do this to some extent – especially women who have had to step up to the workplace. The key lies in balance and where your energy stays in primarily. A feminine woman who has to be masculine day in and day out will find her core drained, while a masculine man who has to display feminine qualities again and again will find himself emasculated.

Balance Your Masculine & Feminine Forces

Both masculine and feminine energies have their positive and negative aspects. Balanced male energy is assertive and powerful, unbalanced male energy is destructive and ruthless. Balanced female energy is compassionate and tender, unbalanced female energy is moody and vain.

To find balance, you have to answer honestly if you have a masculine or feminine core. An easy way to find out is to look at which energy you are naturally attracted to; the masculine or the feminine and the opposite will be your natural core.

Now look at the balance of masculine and feminine energy in your life; which do you feel needs to be developed more for you to be complete?

Asking yourself if you’re masculine or feminine is a different question from asking if you’re a man or a woman. You can be a woman but have a masculine core and vice-versa. If you’re unbalanced, you can also be a woman with a feminine core but displaying mostly masculine qualities and vice-versa. For easy reading, I’ll generalize to mean masculinity for men and femininity for women in this post.

The Chinese had an easy-to-understand metaphor to explain all this: the symbol of yin and yang. Yin stood for the feminine essence, yang for the masculine, both had each in the other and both formed a complementary whole in a dynamic moving relationship.

What’s Masculine and Feminine?

Masculine energy is described as light, directed, focused, logical and action orientated – masculinity is the active element. Feminine energy is described as dark, vague, intuition and receptive – femininity is the passive element.

When masculine energy is strongly expressed, it manifests itself as power, dominance and leadership. When feminine energy is strongly expressed, it manifests as radiance, love and spontaneity. The masculine attaches more meaning to rationality and directness, while the feminine attaches more meaning to the feelings of the moment and subtle communication.

So to fully express your core being, a man has to learn to lead and stay true to his life mission, while a woman has to develop her capacity for relationships and feeling.

Why Relationships Go Wrong

It is the masculine and feminine polarities that create the passion in a relationship and help sustain it. A man with a masculine core won’t be attracted to a woman with a masculine core, nor would a relationship between a feminine man and woman last for long. The polarities need each other and a reason why relationships go sour is when both partners don’t complement their energies.

If your woman has a feminine core, she needs you to demonstrate strength and leadership. The more she is being passive and submissive, the less she wants you to be the same. If both parties are passive and submissive, she knows you are both not going anywhere.

If your man has a masculine core, he needs you to demonstrate feeling and being in the moment. The more he is being active and dominant, the less he wants you to do the same. If both parties are struggling for dominance, he knows that sooner or later he will leave in frustration.

The masculine finds rejuvenation in the feminine and vice-versa, they are complementary energies and not in opposition. This can happen only when both parties realize their complementary cores and can express them fully.

In Part II discover a simple way to discover your core essence and what needs to happen after you develop it.

You see, for the last four months I’ve been taking a path, one that many wouldn’t want to, dare to, or approve of taking. I’ve been walking in the world of PUAs, or Pick-up Artists, and the news is that world is not only fascinating, but I believe essentially useful.

Despite what you might think of them, the PUAs have created models of male/female relationships that when I put to the test, worked, and have thrown a lot of light on why I succeeded and failed in my past relationships. And a lot of the advice is contrary to what popular culture believes.

In fact, if you believe that learning how to attract and seduce women is wrong, and you don’t like having your map of the world challenged and stretched, save yourself the time and stop reading now.

If you’re still reading this, that means you’re sticking around and at least agree to keep your mind open. It’s useful to think of the methods as a tool, like a knife. While people use knives to help and hurt people, the knife by itself isn’t good or bad, it’s just a tool.

There are many methods and theories to pick-up, but an easy way I’ve found to describe it is to divide it into the art of attraction and the art of seduction.

The Art of Attraction

PUA Guru David DeAngelo likes to say that ‘attraction is not a choice’, and after my experiences I agree. But while attraction isn’t a choice, creating and acting on attraction is.

But just what is attraction?

You attract people when you’re attractive, when you have traits and qualities that people want to be around. The PUAs call this solid inner game, and a lot of it has to be with what we share around here: leading yourself, making yourself a better person and building a good life.

The best thing about having solid inner game is that you can’t fake it, come push or shove you either have it or you don’t, whether it’s confidence, a sense of worth or fulfillment. Women are actually much better at picking up the state of a man’s inner game, and for this I love them: a good woman is like the grindstone to your blade, through them you will sharpen and hone your edge.

Building solid inner game feels great, because the more I make myself attractive, the more attracted I feel towards myself and my life: the essence of self-esteem.

The Art of Seduction

A strong inner game will increase your success with women, but a car with a strong engine won’t perform at its peak without great driving skills. The art of seduction is solid outer game; what you say and what you do.

I’ve always been fascinated by human psychology, and the dynamics between men and women are equally fascinating. The more I delve into this subject, the more I realize just how complex the male/female dynamics are and how different the sexes are.

The PUAs’ principles of social and sexual dynamics is deep. A lot of what’s going on below the surface of male/female interactions blew my mind when I learned about it, and saw it in action; stuff that women won’t want to admit and men won’t want to face. But the more you claim your sexual heritage, the more power you will have: power is in the truth.

People will say that learning the art of seduction is manipulative, but if you don’t already think that we are manipulating and being manipulated everyday; get real. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather do it consciously than unconsciously, so I can direct my influence with control and intent.

Is it Wrong to Want to Be Attractive & Seductive?

Recently I’ve read reports that people have come out slamming the PUA community; saying how dare men learn ways of being good with women! The nerve! As if we should already know what to do about being good with women without learning about it.

If you’ve read so far and you think you still have a choice, you don’t. We’re using our words and actions every day in our interactions with the opposite sex, some of it hurts and some of it helps. But the question is whether you want to be aware of how it works or not.

Go to any bookstore and look at women’s magazines, the shelves are stacked with advice about men and dating. Face it, when it comes to social dynamics women clearly have the edge; women talk, men grunt.

If a shy, insensitive man like me who had his first girlfriend at the age of 24 could take this material and use it to become confident, easy-going and fun with women, why not?

What the PUAs are doing is giving men the tools to make women feel good. It’s a wonderful experience to be seduced by someone you’re attracted to – remember the first giddy time you fell in love?

There is nothing greater to show how much a man loves women then to take the time and effort to learn how to be great with them – and just in case you think this is a cushy matter of reading a book sitting in an armchair sipping hot chocolate, it isn’t. A lot of it involves overcoming chills, fears, taking risks, putting your ego and pride on the line to face crushing rejection, all in the name of being able to walk up to the woman of your dreams one day.

Now I know there are people who will take this tool, this knife, and hurt people – just like there are people who will use it to help themselves and others. But we don’t stop making knives because of that.

How You Can Increase Your Success With Women

If you don’t agree with me and the PUA models of the world, that’s fine and I respect that. It’s another map of the world and not the world itself; if it’s useful, use it, once it isn’t useful then expand your map with the next learning. But if you want to learn more, here are some great free resources to give you a head-start.

You can find them useful whether you’re a man or a woman, because ultimately this deals with masculine and feminine energy regardless of sex…but that’s another topic for another time.

To learn more about the art of attraction, go to David DeAngelo. The man has done his homework and has created solid material. Join his free mailing list to learn more.

For the art of seduction, Ross Jefferies‘ Speed Seduction mailing list is a good place to start.

And probably the best place online to pick this stuff up, the classic Fast Seduction.

P.S. Joseph South does one of my favorite podcasts on love, sex and life.

She is also the first ever interview on Life Coaches Blog! Hear what she has to say about love, relationships and life.

Thanks for agreeing to this interview!

You’re most welcome Alvin. It’s indeed my pleasure and honor to be the first on your interview list!

Over at the Steve Pavlina forums, you call yourself the Dating Specialist. Just what it is you do?

I spread knowledge on love and marriage, dating, relationships and its relations with life. Besides a Dating Specialist, as a Love Coach I also work with my clients to achieve the kind of relationship and love life they desire.

How does someone become a Dating Specialist?

I can’t speak for the rest, but for me it seems like a natural path to take as I realized my life mission and purpose is to empower and inspire people who want to have a loving and lasting relationship.

It first started with me setting up a dating agency with my sister. After running it for almost 2 years, it dawned on us that we actually have a deep passion for this, and we see a lot of meaning in helping singles find love and couples develop a healthy, loving and fulfilling relationship.

Therefore, we switched the focus of our business and went into a slightly different mode of business.

And why?

It’s my passion, and I believe also the life mission that God has bestowed onto me.

So Kloudiia…what is it that women really want?

Women are unique really. When we aren’t looking at what we want, we are clear of what we want.

When we are looking at what we want, we suddenly didn’t know what we want.

Is that why that explains why some women keep missing the boat, while some kept boarding the wrong boats?

For someone who’s single and looking for that special someone, what would you advise him to do?

First and foremost, know and love yourself well. I’ve realized that many people really don’t know themselves very well. That’s the biggest reason why they keep meeting people whom aren’t suitable for them.

Only when you know yourself well enough then you know what type of person you are looking for, and what type suits you. The one you have been secretly hoping and fantasizing may not be the one who is compatible with you to be your life partner. There is a difference in this area.

Next is to list down the criteria and qualities that will attract you. Attraction is the first and foremost thing to happen before anyone can and will fall in love with another person. When you have listed them down, prioritize them.

We all have a long wish list. To find a person who fits in all is a seemingly impossible mission to undertake. You should look at the must-haves. What’s a deal-breaker for you?

When you have the list ready in your mind, you start marketing yourself. Let your friends know you are looking, and if they meet anyone that fits your description they will first think of you. And since you already have an idea of this person, you will also know the places he/she tend to frequent. Start going to those places more frequently, alone.

Meanwhile, it’s always very useful to get yourself equipped with the knowledge and skills in love and relationship so that when you eventually enter into one, you will be starting out with the right foot.

What’s the biggest mistake you see singles make in looking to find a partner?

The fact that they don’t even know what type of person they are looking for is bringing them around in circles.

And the biggest mistakes couples make in their relationships?

Some wrong or negative beliefs about love they have and the inadequate knowledge in relationship management, especially in handling expectations and communication.

What’s the key to a healthy, sustaining relationship?

Buy my upcoming book and to practice what I wrote diligently!

Alright I’m joking. But hey my book really contains lots of gems that couples will find very useful to have a loving lasting relationship.

Before my book is out, what I have for you here is this:

Love and respect your partner. Give your partner wholehearted attention, affection and appreciation.

What is it you love most about what you do?

Everything! Too much for me to pin one down haha

Last question, what are 3 things your readers don’t know about you?

1. My name is pronounced as “Cloud-dear” and not the usual “Claudia” thank you.
2. I have almost no sense of direction.
3. I can’t spell the word “manoueveur” without checking the dictionary. To prove I’m right, I’m giving you the “as-is” as the way I spelt it. You can edit it so that it spells right for your publication ha!

Kloudiia is a pioneer in Singapore’s dating industry, and gives away free tips at Kloudiia’s Kit: Dating Affairs on how to get the love life you want and improve the love life you have. She’s also the author of the (free) ebook ‘5 Secrets To Up Your Attraction Quotient‘.