I decided to sit at one of the beachside cafés and ponder the question. It occurred to me that a book I had recently purchased called Practicing the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, was in my bag. I took it out and flipped through the pages, hoping it would give me a clue. I came upon this passage:

“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life. The only place where you can experience the flow of life is the Now, so to surrender is to accept the present moment unconditionally and without reservation. It is to relinquish inner resistance to what is.”

A surge of profound insight rushed through me.

In the five minutes it took to read and absorb that passage, I had an instant awakening. It was miraculously clear to me:

“Accept the flow of life.” These people and situations were exactly the way they were supposed to be; my resistance to them was only causing pain and suffering for myself and those close to me. I needed to surrender to what was, and to what is, moment by moment.

For years I had vacillated between living in the past and the future. For me, the present was simply not present! It was merely a stepping-stone for the future. Intuitively, I knew Tolle was right, that living in the moment was the answer.

I’d tried using sheer discipline and perseverance to achieve this goal, but it would only work temporarily. Now all at once I had a knowing that this time was different. This time, the pain had been too great. I had to change my outlook in order to be happy — here or anywhere. There was no other way. I was finally ready to embrace this higher level of awareness.

Six years have passed since that climatic day on the beach. I am thankful for the lesson I had to learn in order to be at peace with my decision to stay. We have been living here happily ever since, and I have no regrets about my choice. I have successfully integrated this lesson into my life because I am ready and I have discovered mindfulness meditation.

Through meditating every day, I am able to slow my racing mind and be present at a much deeper level. This higher level of awareness is who I am; it is no longer forced, or something that is outside of me.

Now when I see the poverty and hear of the tragedies, I do my best not to resist. I do what I can to help, and accept what I can’t.

I now understand that it is necessary to find the balance between the joys and sorrows of life. Regardless of where you live, tragedies and sadness are part of life, and inescapable. It is how you choose to perceive these situations that creates your reality.

Some people (as I did) think that acceptance and surrender are weak. Rolling over and letting life treat you like a doormat. On the contrary; acceptance and surrender are the keys to happiness. Our pain comes from resisting. We still need goals and dreams and the drive to take the actions necessary to move forward. At the same time, we can accept what life throws at us along the way.

My perspective on my new country was rapidly shifting from positive to negative. This new reality was hitting me like an oncoming train. The six-month honeymoon with my new home was now over. My dark feelings were self-perpetuating, and what’s worse, I didn’t know how to stop them. It was a downward spiral, as each negative thought attached to the next negative thought like links on a chain. The more links, the heavier the chain and before I knew it, I was a prisoner, captive of my own feelings.

For weeks afterwards, I tried to live life normally, telling myself that everything would be okay, but the confusion and doubt would inevitably return.

I decided that I needed to clear my head, so I took a walk along the beach to town, hoping the change of scenery would lift my spirits. It was a beautiful, sparkling day. The ocean was calm; without the wind swept waves it looked especially green and luminous. The sun was powerful overhead making the sand burn beneath my feet. As I walked, I breathed in the incredible beauty of Dominican Republic and reminded myself of the reasons I had moved here — the sun, the sand, the ocean, the fresh air, the mountains, the friendliness of the Dominican people, and the relaxed, unhurried lifestyle. By the time I arrived in town, my spirits had lifted.

But it didn’t take long for the storm clouds to return.

Once again, I was witnessing the painful contrasts of this place: Many of the local children were walking around under the hot sun with shoeshine boxes under their arms, hoping to make some money so their families could eat. I reflected on how difficult it must be to make a living as a shoeshine boy when most people wear sandals or flip-flops. I thought: What choices do these children have? Many are born in absolute poverty with no hope of an education or any chance for a better life.

I saw men carrying heavy boxes full of clothes, belts, wallets, and trinkets, hoping to entice the touristas with their wares. But many of the tourists ignored them, and some were downright rude. A big expensive SUV rolled by, its passengers impeccably dressed in designer clothes, a chauffeur at the wheel.

I was finally ready to ask myself the questions that I had been afraid to, unsure if I wanted to hear the answers, now demanded recognition:

How can a highly sensitive person like myself be happy in a place like this? Should I go back to Canada and pretend that this suffering does not exist, that the tragedies of Marc El Wafi and others aren’t real because I am too far away to be touched by them? If I stay, can I handle it?

In just eight months at the school, he had touched their hearts deeply and made an imprint that would last a lifetime.

After the shooting, I began to question our recent move to the Dominican Republic where this terrible tragedy took place. This was a move that my husband and I had envisioned for many years.

It had taken a lot of hard work and effort to finally realize the dream of living in what I thought would be paradise. I’d naively assumed that once our vision became a reality, life would be perfect; vacation bliss a permanent mindset.

Our search for this paradise… began twenty years ago when my husband and I developed a passion for windsurfing. Countless days were spent sitting on the beach waiting for the wind that was forecasted, but seldom came. It was very frustrating and unproductive. My husband and I knew we were living in the wrong place… this was demonstrated by our,constant cravings, discontentedness and dreams of one day moving to a warm and windy tropical paradise.

Dominican Republic was one of our favorites. We had an immediate connection with its beauty, friendly people and relaxed lifestyle. Not to mention the consistent wind and warm water! We toyed with the idea of packing up and moving. But in the end, it was just talk. We didn’t have the courage to become the adventurers we longed to be.

My husband and I spent the next eighteen years working hard, having a wonderful child, and creating a superb lifestyle for ourselves; filled with prosperity and love. Most people would have been happy with our lifestyle and generally we were, but there was always something missing, it didn’t feel like it was the life we were born to live.

The rat race of Toronto finally wore on us and we moved to the country. I had figured out how to do my job from a home office and commute to Toronto only a couple of days per week. The move was a wonderful transition and appeased us for a while, but inevitably the same question would arise;

“Why are we living here?” We were vehement about our dislike for the winter and now that we lived in the country on a large body of water, the winters were even longer and colder. Life was too short to live somewhere we didn’t truly enjoy; something had to change.

The main reason we were still tied to Canada was because of my job, leaving it was not an easy decision. I had developed a very successful company with eighteen-years of blood, sweat and tears. How could I just walk away?

Then a well-disguised opportunity fortuitously came into my life.

I injured my back; the injury was severe enough that I was bed ridden for five months and then spent another year after that recuperating. I had to close down my business because I could no longer work as a Search Consultant, my back would not tolerate the discomfort of sitting for long periods of time.

This forced separation with the security of my eighteen-year profession was the final catalyst I needed to make the big leap into the unknown.

Our friends and family in Canada were surprised with how quickly we were implementing our new plan. They thought we were making a hasty decision. We knew we were not; the decision was the fulfillment of a twenty-year quest.

I had an inner knowing that this was what I was meant to do. The time was now. No more wishing or dreaming. This was going to be my new reality. It seemed like the Universe was conspiring to make this work for me. So it is no wonder that I naively imagined life would be perfect…

To get to this place, you had to make many changes. Some were small, some were large, some were trivial and some were absolutely life altering.

Now comes the job of maintaining those changes and keeping that goal alive in your life. You’re riding high right now, but what will happen when real life creeps back in (bad habits included)? What will you do when day-to-day pressures or complacency threaten your new found habits and lifestyle? You can plan ahead and come up with a maintenance strategy that will meet those challenges head on.

Hopefully you’ve already had some time to reflect upon what you’ve accomplished and what it took to get you here. Staying in touch with both of those things is crucial to maintaining your goal.

Otherwise, after awhile you might stop acknowledging what a huge deal it was that you made these changes. And that leaves you vulnerable to letting them slip. As well, you might minimize the incredible challenges you met and triumphed over. And that leaves you vulnerable to new challenges.

What’s Fear Got To Do With It?

You may have never come this far before, and you’re probably feeling fearful about slipping back and losing what you’ve gained. And yet, you might be afraid of asking for help to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Objectivity is key here. While the best way to get an objective perspective is from someone that’s outside of the situation (your coach, a trusted friend, a supportive family member), there are also things you can do on your own.

Writing things down can be extremely helpful. When something is in front of you in black and white, it’s much easier to evaluate.

Maintain Your Dream

To answer the following questions, look back at the journal entries, worksheets and tracking sheets you may have kept during the process of meeting your goal. Or, simply answer them in this moment:

1. What is the dream goal that you’ve reached?

2. What does it mean to you and how do you feel about accomplishing this?

3. What challenges did you need to overcome to meet this goal?

4. Which challenge are you most proud of facing?

5. What challenges might be facing you as you maintain your dream?

6. What strategies will help you meet these challenges?

The farther you get along your journey of growth and self-discovery, the more you will see that life is a constant cycle of change. You’ll work towards and meet many different goals. And when you get to the maintenance stage, it helps to remember where you came from.

It’s time to stop telling yourself lies, stop making excuses and (gulp) take a long hard look at what role you are playing in your current situation.

If you’re willing to ask yourself the hard questions now, you can save yourself from facing them as even bigger roadblocks in the future. But if you skip this step, you’ll keep coming up against these same issues over and over again, no matter how hard you work.

If you can:

1) See things as they really are, and

2) Accept responsibility for your role in making them that way,

Then you can regain your power and fully claim the fearless life you deserve.

The good news is that by doing this essential work, you can clear most of what’s been stopping you from living your dreams.

More often than not, “you” are what is standing in the way of achieving your goals or living your dreams. And that’s a good thing!

Why is that a good thing? Because “you” is something you can do something about. Not so with other people or outside situations, which you need to accept and work with as they are.

What’s Fear Got To Do With It?

Once you uncover the truth about your own role in keeping yourself down, it might be scary to consider the changes you’re going to have to make.

As well, you will likely have to give up some long-standing beliefs, and even though they’re getting in your way, maybe they’re all you’ve even known.

It’s scary to not know exactly what’s going to replace those beliefs and how your life will look and feel once you’ve made those changes.

No one likes to look at the ugliest parts of themselves and admit their own shortcomings. Yet, on the other side of this process, you will experience a huge weight being lifted from your shoulders. Lying to others takes a lot of energy, but lying to yourself takes a hundred times more energy.

The bad news is that you were contributing to the problem all along, but the great news is that now you can fix it!

You’re not hiding behind denial anymore, and that new sense of vulnerability holds a certain power. Anything is possible now.

Get Real

To start the process of getting real, consider the 5 questions about yourself you’re most afraid to hear the answers to. Then, ask a trusted friend or partner for their honest feedback, and open yourself up to hear it.

Congratulations on your extraordinary fearlessness!

Gratitude invites a sense of humility and a focus on what truly matters – which can be especially challenging in our materialistic society. It helps you to see that while you may not have everything you want, you do have more than everything you need. Gratitude brings everything into balance and gives you a proper perspective.

What’s Fear Got To Do With It?

The process of finding gratitude requires you to face the darkest and most negative things or people in your life – things that have caused you pain, anger or other unpleasant feelings (e.g. an awful boss or a painful divorce).

Your task is to then find gratitude for those things. The truth is that often the greatest gifts come from our most painful experiences. They may bring the opportunity to learn something new, to build your character or to develop a new sense of strength and independence.

There may also be a fear that if you express gratitude for what you have, you won’t ever get anything more. Actually, you can be grateful and still want more or different things. They go hand and hand. After all, the Universe provides everything we have. If you were to give someone a gift and they didn’t show appreciation for it, would you want to give them more?

Find Gratitude

Begin today to practice finding gratitude for little things throughout the day. The simplest, silliest things can fill a moment with pleasure – a beautiful flower, your favorite breakfast or listening to your favorite song. Then, at the end of your day, jot down as many of these things as you can remember. Try to include at least one negative thing that you found a reason to be grateful for.

When you find gratitude for the positive and negative things in your life, all of a sudden you feel a greater sense of readiness to take on new challenges. Because you’ve proven to yourself that no matter how they turn out, you’ll be able to find the gift in every experience.

You also give yourself a catalog of wonderful things to be happy about – something I call a Gratitude List – to turn your mind to when challenges pop up during the day.