I decided to sit at one of the beachside cafés and ponder the question. It occurred to me that a book I had recently purchased called Practicing the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, was in my bag. I took it out and flipped through the pages, hoping it would give me a clue. I came upon this passage:

“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life. The only place where you can experience the flow of life is the Now, so to surrender is to accept the present moment unconditionally and without reservation. It is to relinquish inner resistance to what is.”

A surge of profound insight rushed through me.

In the five minutes it took to read and absorb that passage, I had an instant awakening. It was miraculously clear to me:

“Accept the flow of life.” These people and situations were exactly the way they were supposed to be; my resistance to them was only causing pain and suffering for myself and those close to me. I needed to surrender to what was, and to what is, moment by moment.

For years I had vacillated between living in the past and the future. For me, the present was simply not present! It was merely a stepping-stone for the future. Intuitively, I knew Tolle was right, that living in the moment was the answer.

I’d tried using sheer discipline and perseverance to achieve this goal, but it would only work temporarily. Now all at once I had a knowing that this time was different. This time, the pain had been too great. I had to change my outlook in order to be happy — here or anywhere. There was no other way. I was finally ready to embrace this higher level of awareness.

Six years have passed since that climatic day on the beach. I am thankful for the lesson I had to learn in order to be at peace with my decision to stay. We have been living here happily ever since, and I have no regrets about my choice. I have successfully integrated this lesson into my life because I am ready and I have discovered mindfulness meditation.

Through meditating every day, I am able to slow my racing mind and be present at a much deeper level. This higher level of awareness is who I am; it is no longer forced, or something that is outside of me.

Now when I see the poverty and hear of the tragedies, I do my best not to resist. I do what I can to help, and accept what I can’t.

I now understand that it is necessary to find the balance between the joys and sorrows of life. Regardless of where you live, tragedies and sadness are part of life, and inescapable. It is how you choose to perceive these situations that creates your reality.

Some people (as I did) think that acceptance and surrender are weak. Rolling over and letting life treat you like a doormat. On the contrary; acceptance and surrender are the keys to happiness. Our pain comes from resisting. We still need goals and dreams and the drive to take the actions necessary to move forward. At the same time, we can accept what life throws at us along the way.

My perspective on my new country was rapidly shifting from positive to negative. This new reality was hitting me like an oncoming train. The six-month honeymoon with my new home was now over. My dark feelings were self-perpetuating, and what’s worse, I didn’t know how to stop them. It was a downward spiral, as each negative thought attached to the next negative thought like links on a chain. The more links, the heavier the chain and before I knew it, I was a prisoner, captive of my own feelings.

For weeks afterwards, I tried to live life normally, telling myself that everything would be okay, but the confusion and doubt would inevitably return.

I decided that I needed to clear my head, so I took a walk along the beach to town, hoping the change of scenery would lift my spirits. It was a beautiful, sparkling day. The ocean was calm; without the wind swept waves it looked especially green and luminous. The sun was powerful overhead making the sand burn beneath my feet. As I walked, I breathed in the incredible beauty of Dominican Republic and reminded myself of the reasons I had moved here — the sun, the sand, the ocean, the fresh air, the mountains, the friendliness of the Dominican people, and the relaxed, unhurried lifestyle. By the time I arrived in town, my spirits had lifted.

But it didn’t take long for the storm clouds to return.

Once again, I was witnessing the painful contrasts of this place: Many of the local children were walking around under the hot sun with shoeshine boxes under their arms, hoping to make some money so their families could eat. I reflected on how difficult it must be to make a living as a shoeshine boy when most people wear sandals or flip-flops. I thought: What choices do these children have? Many are born in absolute poverty with no hope of an education or any chance for a better life.

I saw men carrying heavy boxes full of clothes, belts, wallets, and trinkets, hoping to entice the touristas with their wares. But many of the tourists ignored them, and some were downright rude. A big expensive SUV rolled by, its passengers impeccably dressed in designer clothes, a chauffeur at the wheel.

I was finally ready to ask myself the questions that I had been afraid to, unsure if I wanted to hear the answers, now demanded recognition:

How can a highly sensitive person like myself be happy in a place like this? Should I go back to Canada and pretend that this suffering does not exist, that the tragedies of Marc El Wafi and others aren’t real because I am too far away to be touched by them? If I stay, can I handle it?

In just eight months at the school, he had touched their hearts deeply and made an imprint that would last a lifetime.

After the shooting, I began to question our recent move to the Dominican Republic where this terrible tragedy took place. This was a move that my husband and I had envisioned for many years.

It had taken a lot of hard work and effort to finally realize the dream of living in what I thought would be paradise. I’d naively assumed that once our vision became a reality, life would be perfect; vacation bliss a permanent mindset.

Our search for this paradise… began twenty years ago when my husband and I developed a passion for windsurfing. Countless days were spent sitting on the beach waiting for the wind that was forecasted, but seldom came. It was very frustrating and unproductive. My husband and I knew we were living in the wrong place… this was demonstrated by our,constant cravings, discontentedness and dreams of one day moving to a warm and windy tropical paradise.

Dominican Republic was one of our favorites. We had an immediate connection with its beauty, friendly people and relaxed lifestyle. Not to mention the consistent wind and warm water! We toyed with the idea of packing up and moving. But in the end, it was just talk. We didn’t have the courage to become the adventurers we longed to be.

My husband and I spent the next eighteen years working hard, having a wonderful child, and creating a superb lifestyle for ourselves; filled with prosperity and love. Most people would have been happy with our lifestyle and generally we were, but there was always something missing, it didn’t feel like it was the life we were born to live.

The rat race of Toronto finally wore on us and we moved to the country. I had figured out how to do my job from a home office and commute to Toronto only a couple of days per week. The move was a wonderful transition and appeased us for a while, but inevitably the same question would arise;

“Why are we living here?” We were vehement about our dislike for the winter and now that we lived in the country on a large body of water, the winters were even longer and colder. Life was too short to live somewhere we didn’t truly enjoy; something had to change.

The main reason we were still tied to Canada was because of my job, leaving it was not an easy decision. I had developed a very successful company with eighteen-years of blood, sweat and tears. How could I just walk away?

Then a well-disguised opportunity fortuitously came into my life.

I injured my back; the injury was severe enough that I was bed ridden for five months and then spent another year after that recuperating. I had to close down my business because I could no longer work as a Search Consultant, my back would not tolerate the discomfort of sitting for long periods of time.

This forced separation with the security of my eighteen-year profession was the final catalyst I needed to make the big leap into the unknown.

Our friends and family in Canada were surprised with how quickly we were implementing our new plan. They thought we were making a hasty decision. We knew we were not; the decision was the fulfillment of a twenty-year quest.

I had an inner knowing that this was what I was meant to do. The time was now. No more wishing or dreaming. This was going to be my new reality. It seemed like the Universe was conspiring to make this work for me. So it is no wonder that I naively imagined life would be perfect…

“We are Grey. We stand between the darkness and the light.”

Delenn, Babylon 5

We like to make meaning out of things – in fact, we can’t avoid doing it.

When we write, we write facts, bullet points, objective statements. But when we remember our past and imagine our future, we don’t think in bullet points. We remember the story.

I might ‘write graduated in 2000′, but when you ask me to remember my graduation I remember the story; who was there, what we did, the happy relief I felt and the optimism I faced my future with.

So we try to make meaning twice, once with the stories we tell ourselves, second with the patterns we sift through in our stories; touching a flame means pain, getting recognition means you must be doing something right, if I get my goal it means the law of attraction works and if I didn’t it means I didn’t intend hard enough.

But in our quest to make life understandable and thus manageable, we forget that life isn’t a clear division between black and white – that real life includes a rich multitude of grays. The field of personal development is one that makes this mistake in abundance, either for lack of thought or ignoring it for the sake of making bigger claims for a best-selling book.

Photo by Mr. Theklan.

We look for answers in other people’s stories, that if they did such and such, we should do such and such and hopefully get the same results they did.

But expecting to apply the same principles that makes someone successful to every life is like adding sugar to every dish just because it’s the common element that makes cakes taste sweet. There are so many variables that get swept away by that one generalization that the end result becomes ridiculous.

But then again, sugar works too, just as there are times it doesn’t. Here’s another area of gray that often gets smoked up in our quest for clear meaning; just because it isn’t always so doesn’t mean it’s always so.

It can be useful to apply what we believe are patterns of success to improve ourselves. Do good work, be good to people and stay positive. You can hardly disagree with that. So why think about the times when it just ain’t so – when people don’t do good work, aren’t good to people, are negative and still get what they want – especially when it takes a lot more mental gymnastics?

I’ve become convinced that a lot of mental blocks we suffer stem from this duality mentality; when we try to force a black and white map of the world on a world that’s stubbornly full of gray and can’t reconcile the differences.

When in fact the more complexity you can handle, the more aware you’ll become, and the closer you come to wisdom.

“The Vorlons have a saying: understanding is a three-edged sword. Your side, their side, and the truth.”

John Sheridan, Babylon 5

Time sure flies, we’ve been around for 2 years and 8 months now. Today, we stand at 507 posts, spaced out at 64 pages and 14 writers who’ve contributed to Life Coaches Blog.

We’ve gone through 2 revisions of the site’s design and today we’re introducing the 3rd revision. It’s even simpler to navigate, full of new features and it’s really beautiful. If you’re reading this post through an RSS reader or email, click here to take a look.

Why the Change?

I’ve changed in the past year. I’ve grown to enjoy simplicity, decluttering my life and space by letting go of the unimportant things in my life.

The more that happened, the more the previous version of Life Coaches Blog started looking cluttered to me. There was a growing disconnect between my life, and the life of Life Coaches Blog. I could no longer feel comfortable in its skin, I was even a little embarrassed at its look and some of the things I had written before.

But there were also posts that I felt proud of, and even though I may be spending less time on the site, I felt a need to honor the time and effort we had already spent on our posts. The previous version of Life Coaches Blog wasn’t easy to navigate, and I needed a better way to present our existing content.

What was the Inspiration?

These are some of the designs that inspired me to push for the 3rd generation. What I got from them wasn’t as much about the exact visual look, but the feel and the essence of their designs. They all have an understated simplicity to them, marrying both form and function in a clean, organized and thoughtful way, which I really enjoy and admire.

Wordpress 2.5

Facebook

37signals

Apple

MUJI

Photo by yoppy.

Behind the New Look

I started with the 3rd generation by doing a new re-design on my own. After working on it for a few weeks in my free time, I realized that I would never get it up to the standard I wanted in time. One, because I didn’t have the time, and two, because I didn’t have the programming expertise.

In the end, I took a leaf from the The 4-Hour Workweek and decided to outsource the work. When I saw the Fresh News Theme designed by Magnus Jepson and Adii, I fell in love with it instantly.

Here was a theme that was elegantly designed, with the simple aesthetic I loved, yet came with all the advanced functionality that I needed. Not only that, the theme also has a helpful support forum where I’ve received considerable help in customizing the theme to make it my own.

Being the first purchased theme in Life Coaches Blog’s 3 generations, that also makes it the first unoriginal design. When buying the theme, I knew I might see it on other sites, but for its quality and the time it would save me, I felt that it was a worthwhile trade-off.

7 New Changes at Life Coaches Blog

Besides the new simpler and understated look, there are also a host of new features, all designed to help you enhance your browsing experience at Life Coaches Blog.

1. Author Biographies at the End of Each Post

Now at the end of each post, you’ll see a short bio of the post’s author, together with an option to contact the author. If you click on his name, you’ll also see a list of all his posts. Great for a blog that has multiple authors.

2. Gravatar Support

Together with an author bio, the new Life Coaches Blog also has gravatar support. Now you can see my mug whenever I make a post and comment! Sign up at Gravatar to see your own portrait appear whenever you leave a comment.

3. More Comprehensive Archives

The archives page is more comprehensive now, offering you new ways to go through our posts. Besides the ability to browse via author as mentioned, in the archives you can also search by category and month. It’s a lot cleaner than the previous version of our archives and I really like it.

4. 1/3 Less Advertisements

You’ll notice that the heavy sidebar advertisements on the sidebar are now all gone, and the in-post ad has been replaced with a much smaller version. The decision to remove the sidebar ads and reduce the in-post ad size by a third was a long way in coming, because they were both the highest earning ads in the previous version of Life Coaches Blog.

But the previous incarnation of Life Coaches Blog and the present one serve different purposes. The second generation was designed with heavy ad-placement in mind, but since my decision to spend less time on Life Coaches Blog, my initial goals of making Life Coaches Blog a profit center has diminished.

Instead, I’ve chosen to declutter the site and make it more pleasing to read, even though it will probably mean a one-third decrease in site revenue. But that’s a trade-off I’m quite willing to make.

5. A Cleaner Sidebar

With less ads, the site is now less cluttered and the sidebar is a lot cleaner. Although the original Fresh News theme comes with a lot of sidebar options, for easy navigation I’ve opted to drop most of them and keep only the most popular posts, comments, recent posts and my favorite quotes of the day. It’s a lot cleaner and the emphasis on content is a lot clearer.

6. A Cleaner Contact Form

I was never quite happy with the previous contact form, it had some CSS problems I could never quite fix and the lack of a security question meant a lot of spam in my inbox.

The new Life Coaches Blog contact and article submission forms are using the superb cforms II plugin by delicious:days. It’s bar none, the best forms plugin I’ve seen and one of the best plugins I’ve ever seen for Wordpress. It’s beautifully designed outside-in, comes with a whole host of customizable features, an easy-to-use interface, a PDF guide, screencast tutorial and support forum. I really enjoyed using it and I love the way it looks.

7. Cleaner Pages

I’ve always been slightly embarrassed about the loud, showy text on the previous versions of the About Us and Store pages. They were written when I was in a different place in my writing and mindset, and I cring now to read their over-the-top sales pitches.

So I’ve gone back and cleaned up the pages and made them simpler, and more real. Now they’re something I can live with.

What Do You Think?

I hope you enjoy the new look. I’m liking it tremendously. It’s reflecting a lot more where I am in my life right now, and is something I’m quite proud of.

So, now that you’re seeing it for the first time, what do you think about the 3rd generation of Life Coaches Blog?

In fact, to me monkhood is nothing much, it’s just wearing a different uniform, from Dockers’ pants to saffron robes, or like working in a different firm.

What’s more, being a monk is what’s made an individual like me change.

And l don’t feel inadequate or contempt or inferior. I only feel happy.

The answer actually boils down into just one sentence.

I just ‘let it go’.

When I let go, I feel lighter. When I feel lighter, I feel happier.

Look at this mathematic function [y = 1/x]

When ‘x’ is less, ‘y’ is more.

When ‘x’ is a lot lesser, ‘y’ is even much, much more – exponentially more.

‘y’ = happiness, ‘x’ = the attachment I have.

Why is that so? That’s how the game works; it is the law of nature. When you let go of something from your hand, obviously you feel lighter. No doubt about it, right?

Why Can’t I Let Go?

Let it go…but how?

You know yourself that sometimes you have to let go of certain things in your life to make your life happier each day, but somehow it doesn’t work.

“Why can’t I forget him after so many years of relationships” or “Ahhh…This person makes me so frustrated!” or “Oh…they have it? I also have to have it.”

Letting go sounds easy but why can’t we do it sometimes? You know why? It’s a law of cause and effect.

You can’t let go by just letting-go. You have to produce enough cause for ‘letting go’ to happen.

What causes the ‘let-go’ effect? That’s a question we shall address today.

The Path

The answer is ‘The Path’. When I step on this path, the ‘letting-go’ effect begins to take shape and I become lighter. When I become lighter, I feel freedom. When I feel freedom then I feel relaxed. When I feel relaxed, then I become tranquil. When I’m suffused with tranquility, then I experience equanimity from within. And this is the process of happiness.

What is The Path? It consist of 8 elements.

1. Right Understanding

You have to understand what the problem is, and what isn’t. When you realize what the problem is then you can solve it.

2. Right Thought

Those negative thoughts are harmful. Get rid of them.

3. Right Speech

When you have positive thoughts then you can speak positively. In fact, speaking positively can also influence positive thought and vice-versa.

4. Right Physical Action

It doesn’t mean to take action towards your goal, it means to act positively. When you think positive, say positive things, then of course you can act positively.

5. Right Livelihood

When your ‘thoughts’, ‘speech’ and ‘action’ are right, then you have to put it into your life. Living by doing it all the time. Live by it.

6. Right Effort

In doing all these, you have to put in your effort. A kite needs to go against the wind to be able to go up. Whenever obstacles put you into the negative domain, you have to use your effort to push it back.

7. Right Mindfulness

Be careful, sometimes negativity comes. So you have to be mindful. Guard all your senses by being mindful of what enters your mind.

8. Right Meditation

It is a balance of the mind. It the state of mind where you can gain inside happiness and use this power to ‘let-go’.

I hope you can start to hop on The Path and experience more inner peace, by letting go of some of the things that have been bothering you right now.

Be well.

P.S. Alvin mentioned about Living The Important, that’s an exact example of how we use our path to be happier and make the most out of our life.

Edit from Alvin: I’ve made some changes to the grammar and helped Paiboon create a table.