The rainforest by tauntingpanda.

My two teenagers and I traveled to Costa Rica recently for a 10-day vacation filled with adventure and discovery, not to mention a break from the routine. I had arranged the trip with a wonderful tour company so that we had a personal guide with us for the majority of the trip.

Our trip had all been pre-arranged and included a tour of the capital, a visit to a butterfly farm, four days on the majestic Pacific coast where we snorkeled, paddled an outrigger canoe, went deep sea fishing and scuba diving and travel to the Arenal Volcano where we explored the rainforest by hiking and zip-lining on a canopy tour. These were but some but not all of our activities.

The guide who really opened my eyes was a sweet, cherubic Costa Rican named Constantino. He picked us up in his van at our hotel on the coast and spent four days traveling with us to the area of the Arenal Volcano and then on to San Jose, the capital city.

Constantino has a deep respect and sense of awe at the nature that surrounds him. He has kept the delight and wonder of childhood alive in himself. His knowledge of the land is immense. He seemed to know all there was to know about his country and its history as well as everything that makes up the natural world in Costa Rica. He regaled us with stories. His life lessons were endless but the one that stands out the most for me was his lesson of awareness while in the forest.

The creatures that we had discovered on the Pacific coast were both new and amazing but I told the kids that in the wet forest (all the forests in Costa Rica are so-called rainforests but some are dry and some are wet) we would see even more. We had been in the wet forest in the Arenal area for a day or so when they mentioned to Constantino that they really hadn’t seen much wildlife at all in that dense jungle. That is when our man in Costa Rica gave us his very wise insights on awareness.

Learning Awareness in the Rainforest

What he said to us was this: you can walk through the rainforest for an hour and think that there is little or no wildlife there but that is far from the truth. The forest is extremely deep and dense and many of the creatures that reside there are camouflaged for their own protection. You need to concentrate your attention and stop to really look.

A butterfly looking just like a blossom on a tree, shot by fuzzcat.

For instance, as you walk you could be totally unaware of the howler monkeys scurrying through the treetops. It is only when you stop and listen that you will hear the sounds that they make jumping from branch to branch. Even then you need to fix your gaze intently on the canopy of the forest to notice their presence. When you do, suddenly you become aware of the life that exists on the roof of the rainforest. Monkeys everywhere!

As you walk, you might not see what is happening on the very ground you tread upon. Upon closer inspection, we see a poison dart frog sitting at the root of a tree. Gigantic ants are carrying leaves ten times their size to build a nest and their anthill looks to be the size of a small village. Butterflies dart amongst the trees and plants. I even spotted a tarantula by simply fixing my eyes on the ground.

If you can sit quietly and concentrate, you might see the tree sloths that inhabit the forest. Birds are suddenly everywhere when we stop and focus out attention on their cries. Toucans appear. With an increased awareness and focus, the jungle that had seemed bereft of creatures comes alive.

Constantino’s wisdom became even more apparent as we set off for our canopy tour, where we rode a sky tram to the very top of the rainforest and flew from platform to platform on a zip-line! Constantino told us that we would be able to discover the forest from an entirely different perspective, much like the monkey’s experience. We would be seeing it from the top versus the bottom and this could open up a very different and new vantage point.

He was right of course. Looking down at the rainforest gives you a new understanding. It is almost like two separate worlds. There is more light which gives the forest a different look and feel altogether. The view is a panorama of treetops, almost like green clouds. You see things on the top that don’t exist on the bottom. You are also viewing the wildlife that live in the trees at eye level which gives you a new perspective, most evident with the birds and monkeys. It is the angle of sight that changes and reveals them to you differently.

A squirrel just hanging around having a snack, taken by Michael Scheltgen.

This concept of focused attention and awareness turned a horseback-riding jaunt into the discovery that a tree might not just be a tree. My guide and I had been riding for nearly an hour, our horses running up and down the hills. We were very isolated and there was simply not a soul in sight for miles and miles.

We rode past a large tree much like the others in Costa Rica that spread their limbs in a horizontal fashion when I heard Luis gasp. There nestled in the branches of a tree was a coyote, something I never would have seen had it not been for Luis’ fine tuned attention and eyesight.

Connecting with Awareness

It wasn’t only the rainforest that revealed itself to me. I reconnected with my two teenagers as well. What with my work and their school, social life and teenage drama, the talk between us at home seemed to revolve more around the mundane details of daily life than true communication. Too much going on and not enough attention on the things and people that matter.

The change in locale and the absence of everything that distracted us at home made for a renewed ability to be with each other. I noticed the little things that had evaded me at home: watching Jake and Sylvie walking with their arms around each other filled me with joy. Having conversations that opened them up reminded me of their intelligence and depth. I had a renewed sense of who they were and how blessed I was to have these incredible human beings as my children.

It is the lack of awareness and focus that robs of us so much in life. Something as simple as the art of listening to another person is a prime example. All too often when we are in a conversation, our minds are elsewhere and we miss out on most of what is being said and felt.

In my training as a Life Coach, listening is a skill that is highly emphasized. We are taught about numerous levels to listening.

The first is where we listen but don’t really hear. Our minds are elsewhere or thinking of our next response.

In the next level, we focus out attention directly on the person without distraction.

It is the third level that can reveal the most to us about the other person because not only are we focusing on what they say but we also are deeply aware of their presence, which allows us to tune into their total geography. This is where real communication takes place.

The same can be said about our own bodies. How many of us don’t recognize the signals our bodies attempt to send us because we are just not tuned into ourselves? Suddenly it seems we have a full blown cold when all along our bodies were trying to tell us that one was coming on. Lack of attention to a strained muscle erupts into a full blown crisis.

How to Become More Aware

The world, our lives and the people in them will open up and explode with revelations if we only pay them more attention. Take the time and make the effort to be more aware. Here are a few ideas:

Slow Down

When you become frantic, you lose your ability to focus. Simply noticing that you are in a heightened state of activity is the first step. Stop and take a few minutes to practice deep breathing. Everything will come back into focus. Take deep breathing breaks a few times a day.

Stop Multi-Tasking

You may be handling ten things at once but you sacrifice quality with quantity. Studies reveal that focusing on one task completely will result in much better results.

Listen to Your Body’s Signals

You might be able to bypass an outburst of anger if you notice the signs that precede such an outburst such as increased heart rate and a tingling feeling.

Take Time for Nature

Very little in life is as soothing and inspiring as an encounter with the natural world around us. A simple walk in the woods can be the recipe for a renewed sense of wonder, serenity and the necessary energy to plow onward.

Practice Mindfulness

Perform your everyday task with a sense of mindfulness, which might be translated as being aware of the present moment.

Prioritize

On that never ending to-do list, what really need to get handled today?

Listen with Mindfulness

Learn to Meditate

It increases your ability to concentrate, focus and be aware. Even ten minutes a day is highly beneficial.

Life is short but sweet. Take the time to taste all the sweetness. The old adage about stopping to smell the roses is fitting but being fully aware of that rose is even better yet! There is more to that rose than just its scent. Don’t rush through life and miss out on all it has to offer. Cultivating awareness yields huge returns, all of them good.

You can live a life that truly works and you can achieve peak performance in all areas of your life via Life Coaching. You can not only survive life’s unexpected changes and transitions but also thrive. Powerful change is possible. Learn how to create positive change in your life. Visit http://www.changecoachshelley.com and take your free customized Life Quiz at http://shelleyblog.changecoachshelley.com Contact Shelley Stile at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com today!

Time with their Dad is more fun and games. He is active in their lives and adores his kids but truth be told, it is Mom who has the day-to-day responsibility of their lives. As a divorced Mom, I am the housekeeper, the chauffeur, the computer consultant, the cook, the laundress, the working Mom, the secretary, the caregiver, the tutor and the disciplinarian just to mention some of the hats I wear on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like the invisible third wheel. I rarely have the chance to just enjoy them. So I made a decision.

Over the December holidays I planned a trip to Costa Rica. Now teenagers do not like to go on vacation with their parents. They want to take a friend along because God forbid they have to spend too much time with you! But traveling to Costa Rica with friends was not in the budget or the game plan. I wanted us together with no distractions: no chores or errands or homework or computers or television. Just downtime together. Plus adventure. No fancy resorts like Atlantis for this Madre.

The magic began the minute we left. I think to my kid’s credit, they knew that the trip meant a great deal to me so they were on their best behavior. Our first day in Costa Rica was sightseeing in the capital of San Jose. That evening we had dinner at an upscale restaurant at our hotel. The three of us dined, really dined, for about two hours. We talked, laughed and ate a fantastic dinner. It was sheer joy for someone who had felt like Commandant Klink for too long.

Towards the end of the dinner, my thirteen-year-old daughter climbed into my lap to snuggle. After about ten minutes she moved into her seventeen year old brother’s lap and he actually permitted her the opportunity! Enough to bring tears to my eyes. Remember, this is a teenage boy. Demonstrative attention in public from a Mother or a little sister is basically verboten. Miracles were already happening and we had just arrived.

The only responsibility I had (outside of their safety) on this trip was to enjoy my kids, period. I had arranged through a phenomenal tour company based in Costa Rica to have all our needs met beforehand. I didn’t have to worry about transportation. Drivers met us at the airports and took us to our hotels. Guides were on hand without my having to call anyone to take us around to all the sites and give us in detail information about our various outings. Our days were all pre-planned and chocked full of adventure. We even had a guide who traveled with us for four days. There was very little to divert my attention from Jake and Sylvie.

We had many adventures: outrigger canoes in the Pacific, deep sea fishing, snorkeling, zip lining through the rain forest, hiking, natural thermal springs and white water river rafting. Nature, the great attraction of Costa Rica, and its splendor was breath-taking for all of us. We had much to be amazed at and appreciate together: whales, iguanas, flying stingrays, lizards, exotic birds, tropical rain forest mammals, butterflies, monkeys and rain-forest frogs. Sharing these wonders was what bonding is all about.

My son will be off to college next year and as a senior in high school, outside of meals, it seems we never see or really talk to each other. Not so in Costa Rica. There was many a night when just the two of us (his sister was in bed) sat around and talked. I learned he really missed his girlfriend. I heard stories of his escapades with his buddies. We talked about the divorce. We talked.

During our ten days away, I would often find myself just staring at their faces in awe. That was a very different feeling from wanting to strangle them at home! How did I come to be the Mother of these two beautiful young adults? They are gregarious, intelligent, engaging and loving kids. I can hardly remember them as babies. They have grown too fast (as we were all warned) and will soon fly the nest. The time we had together was simply too precious.

I resolved to find other ways to be together without life’s daily and mundane distractions. It isn’t easy getting a teen to spend time with you. They would rather be with their friends. But what I learned in Costa Rica was time with them in a setting that is conducive works and is incredibly satisfying.

We don’t want to insist that our kids spend time with us, we want them to want to on their own. But teens are far too preoccupied with themselves to do that. Self-absorption is part of the teen years. A big part! Just as we must lay down the law as to their responsibilities and their behavior, so too must we ask that they make time for us; just not too often.

If you can’t afford to get away to Costa Rica you can always come up with other ways to be with your teens. Finding things to do together that hold their interest is a start and something new and really different works well. Pre-planning so they can adjust their schedules is a must. Even a special dinner can be a small trip to intimacy. Have them clear their schedule for a whole hour to just eat and talk;not the usual ten-minute dinner you slaved over for two hours!

My ten days with my children in Costa Rica was one of the most fulfilling things I have done. I reconnected and got to know them again. I took off all the hats I must wear everyday and only wore a sun visor. I was Mom the adventurer versus Mon the pest. I was a wonderful dinner companion not the insulted chef. I was the woman who belly-laughed versus the woman who hadn’t seemed to crack a grin around them in too long. At home I complained that I was the woman who seemed to constantly nagging and directing my kids and it was tiring and depressing. I wanted them to see the real, authentic me; someone I needed to re-connect with in a big way. I did that in Costa Rica. I was the woman who opened up the world for them in new and astounding ways. Super-Mom. Perfecto!

You can live a life that truly works and you can achieve peak performance in all areas of your life via Life Coaching. You can not only survive life’s unexpected changes and transitions but also thrive. Powerful change is possible. Learn how to create positive change in your life. Visit http://www.changecoachshelley.com and take your free customized Life Quiz at http://shelleyblog.changecoachshelley.com Contact Shelley Stile at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com today!

Have you ever attempted to reason with a child who knows everything? It’s their way or no way at all. They simply cannot understand the concept of another person’s point of view. Children go through a stage where they are extremely self-absorbed. Everything is mine and they will not share. The world revolves around their desires and needs. This is a normal stage of childhood where the child is asserting their individuality and independence. The problem arises when the behavior is carried over into adulthood.

People Who Have a Need to be Right

People who need to be right have little patience for others. They perceive their ideas as the right way to do things and their viewpoints as the right way to think. A differing opinion is a direct affront to their sense of well-being and they become extremely aggressive in their defense of themselves. They tend to alienate others due to their insistence on being ‘right’. The importance of the issue in question doesn’t seem to have any relevance. A simple trip to the store can end in disaster. Anger and a lack of empathy seem to be the rule of thumb.

People are different. We each have a totally unique set of DNA that will never be replicated short of cloning. I do not think the same as you do and vice-versa. Our brains are wired differently. What seems totally natural and easy for me to do may be close to impossible for you. Oftentimes we get caught in the thought pattern,

‘If I can see this so clearly, why in the world can’t you?’

‘If I can perform this task, why can’t you?’

But the reality is that just because I can do something does not mean that you can. Nor does it make me better or right. Just different.

What is Right or Wrong?

What is right and wrong? I bake a cake a certain way and I determine that it
is the ‘right’ way to bake a cake. Yet my next-door neighbor uses an entirely different method and guess what? Her cake is just as good. Short of a cake being inedible, there is no right or wrong, just different ways of baking the cake. Some ways may be more efficient, true. But not necessarily the only way of doing it.

Webster’s dictionary states the following as a definition of the word right: conforming to facts or truth; most favorable or desired. Can someone’s opinion or idea be right because it is considered as conforming to the truth or a fact? By the way, whose truth? Or better yet, two viewpoints can each conform to the truth so which one is more right? Can someone’s stand on a subject be the most favorable or desired? That is highly relative and I think that is the point. It’s all relative.

Having to be right seems to be more akin to the definition of self-righteous which Webster’s defines as convinced of one’s own righteousness (being right) especially in contrast with the actions and beliefs of others: narrow-mindedly moralistic. Aha! Now we are getting closer. Someone who needs to be right would seem to be self-righteous, i.e. someone who feels that their way of seeing and doing things is superior to that of others.

This brings to mind the religious zealots who believe that their way of worshiping God is the only true way and that anyone who does not hold to their dogma is not only a non-believer but also an infidel. They have the deep need to convert the non-believer, believing that unless you hold to my way of thinking, you will be condemned to hell. My believing something different is considered a threat. This of course is an extreme case of but it certainly reveals the nature of being right.

What also pops up for me on the subject of being right is what often happens in a divorce. We all have stories of an acrimonious divorce where two people spend insane amounts of money to argue about trivialities just to get even and be in the right. The antagonists will pay their lawyers thousands of dollars in a fight over a living room chair just for the sake of besting the other person. Once again it shows the price people are willing to pay in support of their ego.

The Price to Pay for the Need to be Right

Why the intense need to be right? Myriad reasons come to mind: self esteem issues, low self-confidence, the past running the present, remnants of childhood adaptations, ego-centric behavior;the list goes on and on. I am of the opinion that it isn’t so much the reasons (although it is important to understand why we do certain things) behind why we need to be right rather the self-knowledge that we are indeed involved in this kind of self-destructive behavior. We must first become aware of our need to be right and then examine the costs involved in our behavior.

What are the costs of being right? We come across as a know-it-all, which alienates people. We are unyielding and do not work well with others so we have a tendency not to be part of the team or community. We isolate ourselves. We turn away connectedness and love. We become an island unto ourselves. Most impactful is the fact that we close ourselves off to what the world has to offer because we know best.

…people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.

~J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince.

Stay Open to Possibilities

We will never recognize where our next opportunity lies if we do not remain open to possibilities. To remain receptive to what the world has to offer, we must keep an open mind and heart. We must learn to listen to what others have to say. We must be aware and conscious of what is being offered to us at any given moment. We must realize that there is much to gain from listening and not speaking. If I am too busy pushing my agenda, I cannot possibly hear what is being said and therefore I may miss out on what could be an opportunity to experience deep learning and personal growth.

Looking at the big picture versus the immediate helps put things in perspective. If I don’t get my way, is it a matter of life and death? Will I even remember this incident in ten years from now? Some things are simply not worth the effort and being right all the time fits into that category.

Think of what it is like to be heard? How do you regard someone who takes a sincere interest in you and what you have to say? Those people who hold a genuine curiosity about others are magnets. We are attracted to them because they make us feel good about ourselves. They in turn are rewarded with deeper friendships, better working relationships, more meaningful and loving personal relationships and a universe that continually opens with more possibilities.

Start by simply noticing if you are overly invested in being right when you have a discussion with others, be it at work, at home, wherever. Just notice how you are being and perhaps, why? In the noticing you will become very aware of how you interact with others. Imagine being in their shoes and seeing through their eyes. What do you look like from their viewpoint? Is it a picture you like? If not, how could you do things differently?

As you notice and do things differently you may start to see dramatic changes. Or the changes may be subtler. As you do things differently, people will start to react differently. Your world will open up. You will start feeling more connected. You will learn new things that had remained closed off to you before. New possibilities for a life that is more meaningful and fulfilling will appear.

Being righteous and being self-righteous are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. It’s the difference between people who are full of themselves versus people who do the right thing. Who do you choose? How do you want to be perceived? A life well lived is a life where being right is not the be-all end-all. The be-all end-all is a life well lived. Luckily, as human beings we were given free will and the ability to choose for ourselves.

It all comes down to choice.

Shelley Stile is a professional Life Coach. She received her training at the Coaches Training Institute of San Raphael, California.

Shelley works one-on-one with her clients to guide them towards achieving their personal and professional goals. She helps them create positive change and growth so that they lead the lives that they truly want.

Shelley also leads workshops and teleclasses that are designed to facilitate the process of clarifying your issues and goals as well as creating actionable steps forward. She can be reached at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com. Visit her website for more information at Change Coach Shelly.

Unfortunately, although we may think that we make conscious decisions, in reality our unconscious mind often impacts our behavior and when it does our actions are not truly under our control. We can learn to recognize the unconscious, that part of our mind that has great power over much of our actions without us even being aware of its existence. In doing so, we can diminish its power over us.

Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

As an example, try simply noticing that voice inside your head that gets very chatty whenever you are about to make a decision, especially an important one that could result in change. Is it telling you that you’re nuts to consider what you are thinking of doing? Does it say that you failed once before and will probably do so again?

We fail to understand that the voice is out to sabotage us. Just by noticing it you will realize that this inner saboteur is at work. In the act of noticing you begin to empower yourself to make truly conscious decisions that will result in positive and lasting changes in your life.

Reactive Versus Proactive

I have mentioned how changing reactive, self-defeating behavior is key to realizing our personal best. What is reactive behavior versus proactive behavior? When you are reacting to life and its circumstances you are on the defensive. You are not in control. Life’s circumstances are dictating your behavior and actions versus your being proactive and in control of your actions.

There is a good chance that you are being activated unconsciously as well. Example: Your boss gives you what you consider to be a harsh criticism of your latest report. Your adrenaline rushes and a wave of angry indignation rolls over you. In that emotional state, you are unable to actually hear what he or she has to say because you are already defending yourself. Your response to him is defensive and somewhat irrational.

You cannot control what he/she had to say but you can control how you handle yourself. Therein lies the key to non-reactive behavior: your ability to handle situations in ways that prove productive versus destructive. Stop and think. Pause. Get your heart rate back to the normal range.

Without taking anything personally, was there anything in what he had to say that had merit? Is there some sort of deep learning to be had, either from him or you? Could the perceived harshness perhaps have been amplified by your defensiveness?

Being proactive means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.

~The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Stephen Covey

Do Your Meanings Serve You?

Life will always be throwing things our way, much of it unpleasant and challenging. That’s life. We cannot control life but we can control how we handle it. If we are really aware and in tune with what is happening, we can learn not to add meaning to reality where there is no additional meaning needed.

For example, in the above incident, you may have reacted because you assumed your boss thought you were in the wrong and therefore not up to snuff. But that was just what you thought he meant.

What you think he meant and what he said are often two very different entities. Perhaps all he meant was that your work could have been better and he wanted to steer you in the right direction.

Leave Your Past Behind

Often, adding meaning where there is none harkens back to childhood. Your father was always highly critical and you came to believe that this meant that you were a loser and wouldn’t amount to anything. That is the type of meaning a child creates in response to an unpleasant situation.

What really happened is that you had a highly critical father. Period. The most unfortunate part is that this type of reaction to criticism will often be carried into adult hood and anytime criticism is leveled at you, you respond with your childhood reaction: I am a loser. The ability to control reactive behavior and see things for just what they are can make a world of difference in your life.

Finally, a word about perspective or attitude. How we view the world or any given situation will dictate our effectiveness and our state of mind. Change your attitude and you not only change the way you see things, you will change your reality. If you approach your work/life as being tough, that perspective will trickle down into everything you do. Try a new perspective on, one that will work in accordance with your goals and desires.

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.

~William James
US Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist

The Inner Work of Creating Positive Change

Inner work means that we are laying the foundation for a mindset that allows us to make lasting changes that will create a more meaningful, productive and happy life. Once the inner work is done, the outer changes will compound like bank interest. Your authenticity will shine and people will be drawn to this new you.

You will view everything that happens as an opportunity for growth and grow and change you will. The work you do and its subsequent benefits will spread into all areas of your life, not just the ones that you may have originally pinpointed. The vision you held of the will become your reality now.

Shelley Stile is a professional Life Coach. She received her training at the Coaches Training Institute of San Raphael, California.

Shelley works one-on-one with her clients to guide them towards achieving their personal and professional goals. She helps them create positive change and growth so that they lead the lives that they truly want.

Shelley also leads workshops and teleclasses that are designed to facilitate the process of clarifying your issues and goals as well as creating actionable steps forward. She can be reached at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com. Visit her website for more information at Change Coach Shelly.

When you are fully committed to making changes in your life, it will happen. That commitment, based on a deep desire for growth, is half the journey. Once you have made that choice, one made with total awareness and a honesty of your present reality, you are free to move forward towards a better or even new you.

The one constant in this universe is change. Everything that exists is in a state of change. Ask any quantum physicist. As part of the universe, we are part of that cycle of change. The experiences you have today will impact you in such a way that you will awaken tomorrow changed in some way. Once you have hit your forties or fifties, the kid you were in your twenties is pretty much gone and a wiser you is standing.

Change is desired on a number of levels. In business we might be looking to be a more effective leader or manager in order to increase productivity. That might entail changing how we deal with people by improving our motivation and communication skills. Change might mean a new career, lifestyle or relationship. It might mean building more confidence and self-esteem or learning how to be less aggressive.

Inner Change To Create Outer Change

Change involves inner work before the outer work can begin. That is always the case. As Albert Einstein said; ‘The significant problems we face cannot be solved on the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.’ Steven Covey, in his critically acclaimed book; ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People‘, stresses the concept of inner work before outer work or change:

The inside-out approach to change means to start first with self; even more fundamental, to start with the most inside part of self – with your paradigms, your character and your motives.

So, if change is to happen and if it is to last, we need to acknowledge that we must take a look at who we are now and who we want to be in the future. We will have to be honest with ourselves and recognize reality as it exists and not as we think it should or could be.

Take Responsibility for Change

We need to develop a high level of awareness and clarity about everything that we do as all too often, our subconscious tends to run the show and not us. Most importantly, we need to take full responsibility for our lives and not place the blame elsewhere. That also involves giving up the need to control things; except of course, yourself. Until you are willing to do this kind of work, change will not occur, at least not enduring change.

Where are you feeling dissatisfied? Where are you noticing dissonance in your life? Where are you feeling stuck? Identify the issues. Now, recognize exactly where you are and then consider where you would like to be in the future if everything were running smoothly?

If for instance, your sales team is not performing up to budget and you are having a difficult time motivating them towards success, consider what a sales team that is highly motivated and successful would look like. Consider what your role would be in achieving that goal? Who would you be? How would you function? How would you feel? The gap between where you are now and where you want to be is where the work will be done.

In Life Coaching we find that your ability to succeed at your job is highly dependent on whether your values and passions are in alignment with your job and it’s requirements. After some serious inquiry, you might discover the things that are called for in motivating your sales team. Say it will consist of more patience, more enthusiasm, more nurturing and more of a team atmosphere. Are these the kind of things that hold value for you? If not, you will be unable to be effective.

Do the important inner work of discovering who you are now, what matters to you, what you are passionate about and what you place value on. Are these things showing up for you in your everyday life? If not, there is sure to be dissonance.

If being successful in your work is of great value to you then what are you willing to do and not to do in order to be a success? Are you willing to make the necessary changes in how you are being? Are you willing to try something different? Are the things you need to do aligned with your values and passions? What are you willing to say yes to and even more important, what are you willing to say no to?

Shelley Stile is a professional Life Coach. She received her training at the Coaches Training Institute of San Raphael, California.

Shelley works one-on-one with her clients to guide them towards achieving their personal and professional goals. She helps them create positive change and growth so that they lead the lives that they truly want.

Shelley also leads workshops and teleclasses that are designed to facilitate the process of clarifying your issues and goals as well as creating actionable steps forward. She can be reached at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com. Visit her website for more information at Change Coach Shelly.

Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of
value.

~Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955)

How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

We have all heard the adage about what the epitaph on our tombstone will say or not say. Will it say that she had a powerful job, she flew first class, that she had a Mercedes-Benz and wore only couture? More often you will read on a tombstone that she was a loving Mother and Wife, a charitable person and an outstanding member of the community.

Think about how you would like to be remembered. What would you like to hear people say about you at your funeral or memorial? Will it be on how much money you made or how much you consumed? Doubtful.

I remember the funeral of a very dear friend who died suddenly while he was still in his fifties. The Rabbi said that all we have in the end is our good name. Who we were, how we lived, how we loved, our empathy and compassion, service to the world we lived in and the legacy we left to our children and their children.

My Take on the Good Life

My own personal take on the good life, at least for me, involves the following: I want to be a person who possesses a deep appreciation for everything that I have: to be grateful. I want to be able to live without the fear of not being able to take care of my kids and myself and yes, I do want to live well.

Living well for me is a lovely home in nature; it is being free to travel; it is having the ability to help my kids get a good start in their adult lives; it is having enough money to be able to take good care of myself and to also be charitable. I want to have a life that is filled with meaning, with a deep connection to the world around me.

What Is Your Good Life?

What is your Good Life? Take the time now to give thought to the life that you want to live, the life that you would describe as the Good Life. Make certain that it is aligned with your values and your passions and to so you must connect with your values and passions.

What are they? Think long and hard about what brings you real joy and fulfillment. Remember those times in your life when you were the happiest; what resonated for you in those moments?

Consider how you want to be remembered, how you want to look in your children’s eyes. What traits do you admire in others and how can you adopt some of those traits? What have been peak experiences in your life and what was it about those experiences that made them so special?

These are the kind of questions that beg our attention. These are the questions that will ultimately lead us to the Good Life. Not the $14,000 dessert but a life well lived. With meaning, love, comfort, joy and fulfillment.

Shelley Stile is a professional Life Coach having trained with CTI, the Coaches Training Institute. She is also a member of the International Speaker’s Forum as well as an instructor at the Adult School of Montclair, NJ and a workshop leader at the Center for Women in Livingston, New Jersey. She works with individuals in a one-on-one relationship to guide them towards the life they want, especially during times of transition.

Visit www.changecoachshelley.com and take a free customized Life Quiz and sign up for weekly coaching tips. Contact Shelley Stile at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com today for a complimentary sample session of coaching!