“My leader is obliged to hear me bitch about things at work! It is therapeutic and allows me to work better!”

Being the hard-headed fool that I am, I nodded my head in acknowledgement of her comment. Effectively attracting the spanner to fly my way. She pointed to me and declared with aplomb:

“See, even the coach here agrees with me!”

Is Bitching Therapeutic?

Yes! If therapy is defined, as a process that makes a person feels better, then bitching is therapeutic if you feel good after that.

So something happens to you, you bitch about it, you let it off your chest and everything is well and good again?

It doesn’t happen this way, does it?

Is Bitching REALLY Therapeutic?

Interestingly, if therapy is defined, as a process that makes the SITUATION better for a person to function in the environment that she is in, then we are in for a treat because we consider not only the one bitching in question. We are also taking into consideration, others and the context in which the bitching is done.

To me, bitching is synonymous with making oneself seen, heard and felt. The emotions get an outlet. It’s just a part of a therapeutic process. In therapy, there must be a resolution. In coaching, we take it a little further by demanding intiative.

What will a COACH do?

Here’s something we all can get used to using:

Step 1 – Allow bitching about it for 1 minute. However, the catch is you can ONLY do so for an alloted time of a single minute. Let all your emotions out. Then we are going to close the Bitching Box and WILL NOT come back to it again. We will move on to the next box.

Step 2 – “What happen?” Only list the facts of the event and not your judgement about persons involved. Be as detailed as possible. Take the 3rd person’s perspective. When you decide all the facts have been addressed, close the Event Box and we will not come back to it again. Move on to the next box.

Step 3 – “What must you do differently?” In order for the situation to become better or avoided, what must you do DIFFERENT? You can only focus on things that you do, not what others should do. Keep this Options Box open till you complete Step 4.

Step 4 – “What do you commit to do?” From the Options Box, find one thing that you are willing to commit to allow the changes to take place. By this time, you will notice that your focus is on creating possibilities and away from blaming others/the situation. Pick an option or a combination of a few that allows you to positively affect changes. Close the Options Box and place your choice of action and response in the Commitment Box. Declare: “I commit to…for the purpose of…so that I can reap positive benefit of doing so.”

Step 5 – Define the 1st Action Step to take. Make it SMART.

Some of you may wonder whether Step 1 is even necessary. Well, my friends, that’s entirely up to you. It’s only one freaking minute.

Spanner Woman threw me a tool that allowed me to introduce the whole toolbox to the group. Why resist her when I can utilise her beliefs?

I have gone on a hiatus in search of my own voice and identity as a People-Helper. My absence from this platform is by choice. I was not sure if I could say and mean the things I wrote here….after reading them again: I know I can.

The only reason I started writing and will go on with a regular contribution from now on is simple: I just wanna share. So what if these other people’s ability to write fill me with awe!! People in my immediate circle like Alvin (who owns this blog by the way), Kloudiia and Rachit writes really really well! Yes people I am very impressed!!

So I am back (without a vengence haha)…bad writing and all!! Crazy ideas nonwithstanding…for all you idiots who roll your eyes and sigh….you don’t have the permission to make me choose to feel bad!!!

Ha!! AND a tribute to all the readers here who will join me in a prayer to give Alvin inner peace and clear insight to get past his tough patch:

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

-Kipling-

Happy 2007 People!! IF and only by Choice, there is a better way, take it for it’s yours.

It’s a wonderful dream: I am victorious and claiming the Treasure after vanquishing the Evil One.

I would love to stay in that dream.

Who wouldn’t?

I was jerked back into Reality when someone dropped this on Me and was rendered unconscious. It documents what I am to expect for the journey ahead. The Ordinary World beckoned so…

I feel constricted, like my lungs are burning and collapsing in on themselves. Each breath burns as I gasp for air. My vision begins to blur and cloud over. Panic seizes Me and I told Myself that I will deal with that in a while…a while that will never come.

A darkness looms over my encroached form.

Behold the Threshold Guardian #1: PAIN!

PAIN!: Hey Loser, quit wasting our time and go back to where you came from, it’s just not worth it…you feel Me? Oh now now, stop your whimpering…must be feeling lonely without Me around. Well, bad news brother, PAIN will go with you no matter where you go henceforth.

Behold the Threshold Guardian #2: FAILURE

FAILURE: Yo bro!! I am with you in relation to PAIN! I am before, during, after, within, without, foregrounding, backgrounding…omni-present, omni-potent coz you allow me to be prevalent. Meet my sergeant-in-arm…

Behold the Threshold Guardian #3: LIMITING BELIEF

LIMITING BELIEF: How can you move ahead when I’m so loud I happen all the time!!

Behold the Threshold Guardian #4: FEAR

FEAR: Boo!! I am Panic’s friend. You’ve lost Me!!

Behold the Threshold Guardian #5: CHANGE

CHANGE: I’ve always wanted you to be my friend. You have to next deal with PERFECTION, EXPECTATION, LOSS, and the horde of ETC’s and their minions of PROCRASTINATION. You must call out your birthright…you have CHOICE, your sword call VALUE and your trusty ride cum side-kick called ACTION.
Now.

I stirred into wakefulness. I am aware again. To find Me back, I need to face down the ultimate Trash-hold Guardian:

The Next Chapter: Reprisal: A New Hope.

BUT…

Where the fuck is my Wise Mentor like they say there will be? No fairy-god-mother-look-alike, wand-waving, sagely hermit, Yoda-type humanoid in psychedelic colour (green is just too boring and reminds me of Kermit the Frog). Oh? Is it my fault that I don’t read books? I buy them just to look good. I will no sooner fall asleep than to do anything about them. Awaken the Unlimited Power of 7 Habit of Moving Cheese in One Minute Soup for the Chicken Soul to Get Things Done Like Your Rich Dad and Poor Mine. Crap!! If so many are sold, there will be as many successful people!!

No one appeared to tell me what training workshop would totally prepare me for the journey that I’m taking. If only I can find one that screens movie and play songs that should inspire me!!

I might as well stay put and resign to my fate.

“What if you have a Wise Mentor NOW What will you do?”

I won’t hem and haw…

“You dodo bird! What WILL you do, not what you won’t!!”

I will take it as a sign to move ahead… darn it!! Isn’t that a pattern of mine? I want it to be a perfect beginning, I want to be totally equipped right at the beginning. Yet, I ignore all the possible mentors out there. Oh my, this is the Real McCoy…the true blue bonafide Call to Adventure: I am procrastinating and it’s costing me!!

“Well now that you’ve gotten pass that, let’s put things into perspective…”

Whoa…hold the horses, who the hell are you?

“I am Me, together we are part of Myself.”

Huh? I know I am…

“Know Me is too…let’s get acquainted: Me is in the state of Flow, your alter ego. Characterised by relaxed concentration, enjoyment and trust.”

Are you my Wise Mentor?

“Well, not in the form that you thought a Wise Mentor should be. I am not a book or song and only half the man. You only know Me as a voice inside your head. You only feel my presence when things seem to fall in place without any conscious deliberation on your part. Before you go labelling Me as your Unconscious Competence, just wanna clarify that UC is an agent and a friend of mind, mine too!!”

So why aren’t you here all the time?

“Sigh…you are asking too much from Me coz you fill your physical and mental space with too much junk leaving Me with no space. You can start by taking stock of all the petty annoyances, minor irritations and small flaws that you are putting up with and get rid of them.”

Give Me space…and I can grow.

My Wise Mentor is Me, among others. I am aware.

Now.

I am defender of the status quo, basking in the security of what is known as the Comfort Zone. Nevermind that my world can be better, nevermind the pains of staying put, nevermind the envy I have of the accounts of the Heroes and Heroines who have made that difference by moving to answer the dare of the Call to Adventure.

Here I am, the Loser in the Ordinary World.

I see the signs of, feel the tug of and hear the Call to Adventure. I close my eyes and shut my ears. Refusing the challenge, and preferring to play smaller, act meeker or turn dumber. I exist in my self-cordoned prison getting increasing restless, impotent and even recklessly protective of the space I uncomfortably defend as my Comfort Zone.

Am I waiting for it to be painful enough or attractive enough to get started? I can still handle the petty annoyances, minor irritations and small flaws. Life is like that!! I don’t want to be a perfectionist! Life is meant to be imperfect; less imperfect doesn’t make me more perfect! I’ll handle it when the time comes or die trying…am I trying to die?

Oh it’s got to be the right kind of time and space: the timing is never right and my environment doesn’t allow for change and what’s wrong with it isn’t my fault.

I can’t change. I have tried and tried. Sometimes, it’s not about me. Hey, you can’t alter other people’s behaviour!! You can’t make them change what they’re already doing stuck with doing the same thing!

I am not smart. I am clueless. I don’t have the resource. I am not talented….

I am… not YOU! But if you can do it, will I be able to do the same?

What if I defer to be a Loser in the Ordinary World and answer the Call?

First I need to raise my awareness to the Call-to-Adventures that are prevalent at each point and time within the Ordinary World. When I think about it, it’s ironic that the awareness that I am refusing the Call is a Call to Adventure in itself.

I may answer the Call only when I am in dire straits and my survival instincts kick in BUT it’ll certainly help if I answer to the Call early. Therefore, the Call may also come from an awareness that allows me to anticipate the challenge of moving into a new world.

The only way I can preserve my Comfort Zone is a realization that I must accept the challenge of expanding it. The short-term pain of stretching my own limits will expand the threshold and integrity of the protective bubble (armour if you would) against what Life can throw at me.

I can now see that all the petty annoyance, minor irritations and small flaws that I choose to tolerate and endure not only drains my energy to forge ahead; they also limit me from truly accessing the resource I already have in me.

Hence, if I can’t choose to avoid the eventuality of having to answer the call, it only makes sense for me to choose when to answer the Call. I choose now.

Now.

There were something that you decided at a certain point that you want to do more of, to have less of, to move away from, to go towards to…you decided that you deserve more, you are going to stay away from…you are sick of it, you are tired, fed up, irritated, frustrated, peeved, and what else not!?

You feel it deep in your bones, the voices are calling out to you and the lights seem brighter at the other end. Your whole being is telling you that you have to shape up or ship out!

You keep your chin straight and eyes shining with pride that YES!! You have decided that you are going to be a new creature; you are leaving the old shell behind. Oh wow!! You are so ready to make the Quantum Leap. It’s like you are a water-dweller deciding that you can breathe on land and take the resource available on the bank. Hey! A significant moment in Evolution!!

The edge of a panic called Fear starts to gnaw at the edge of your consciousness. It starts at the pit of your stomach and starts grinding towards your chest. You call upon Murphy’s Law: Everything that can; will go wrong! Hey! Should you stick your head out so far? Maybe the luscious leaves doesn’t really taste that good after all (even if you know that the arching branches over the pond with loads of them occasionally taste really good). The pond is getting really overcrowded.

The plants on the bank beckon.

You jostle amongst the common pond-dweller and scream: you gotta be made for greater destiny!! Darn!! The watchamacallits are at it again, scooping everything up young shoots, roots and all, don’t they know they have to leave the roots so that you’ll have new weed for the next season?

The plants on the bank beckon once more.

You deserve more! You can do more! You don’t have to take all that shit (yeah that one floating by) You breathe the dry air breaking surface of the water, better that than risk getting shit inside your mouth, right? It’s not what you are used to: your lung burns. May take some getting used to. Lung is still burning but you are alive and your other senses start tingling. Things look different, smell different, though the air is more bearable.

You can’t decide if the whoozy dizziness is the result of breathing in a new way, seeing in a different light or just plain hunger.

A new food source beckons.
Darn and double darn! YOU WON’T WANNA STRETCH THAT FAR!! You pop your head back in and gulped a mouthful of the murky liquid. Such a familiar stink to it. And “what’s that taste in the mouth?” and begin to wonder where that piece of shit float to.

You declare to Destiny:

“This is MY Comfort Zone, darn if I wanna move out of it when I found a new food source and frankly, I’ll sooner leave evolution stuff to others and I’ll hang around others who are full of shit!!”

Note:

1) I have often wondered how people refuse to move out their “Comfort Zone” when they are uncomfortable in them.
2) People always hide behind the lame “I can’t change” when it is really “I won’t change”!
3) Stretch, because people can be more.
4) Yes, I actually used this little piece as a provocative intervention during one of my coaching sessions. As you may have observed, I left most of the expletives out.