By which my friend Eleutherios assures me is the Kabbalistic (and poetic) equivalent of Steve Pavlina’s three principles of personal growth; truth (wisdom), love (beauty) and power (strength).
This post has been a long time in coming, and in it I’ll explain why in order for me to move towards truth, love and power, I’ve decided to close Life Coaches Blog.
Be Willing to Change Everything in Your Life
In David Deida’s book The Way of the Superior Man, he talks about how you must be willing to change everything in your life when necessary.
A man must be prepared to give 100% to his purpose, fulfill his karma or dissolve it, and then let go of that specific form of living. He must be capable of not knowing what to do with his life, entering a period of unknowingness and waiting for a vision or a new form of purpose to emerge. These cycles of strong specific action followed by periods of not knowing what the hell is going on are natural for a man who is shedding layers of karma in his relaxation into truth.
But when do you know it’s time to let go of something and move on?
Among the signs of fulfilling or completing a layer of purpose are these:
1. You suddenly have no interest whatsoever in a project or mission that, just previously, motivated you highly.
2. You feel surprisingly free of any regrets whatsoever, for starting the project or for ending it.
3. Even though you may not have the slightest idea of what you are going to do next, you feel clear, unconfused, and, especially, unburdened.
4. You feel an increase in energy at the prospect of ceasing your involvement with the project.
5. The project seems almost silly, like collecting shoelaces or wallpapering your house with gas station receipts. Sure, you could do it, but why would you want to?
3 years ago, I started Life Coaches Blog with enthusiasm, fire, desire and a real hope to help the world and improve my life in the process. Today, I feel all 5 points Deida lists above when I think about this blog.
It’s not that I’ve lost my passion for personal growth – far from it. But my path of personal growth has moved away from Life Coaches Blog’s path, and so to move closer to my truth I must leave it behind. For one, it has become less and less truthful for me to write a blog called Life Coaches Blog, as I haven’t been a ‘life coach’ for the longest time.
It has also become less truthful as I believe less and less in the simplistic answers most ‘life coaches’ out there offer as the gospel truth. The more I’ve grown, the further I realize I’ve moved away from the original tone of this blog. And to try to offer simplistic formulas for personal growth that I no longer believe in for the sake of web traffic and the hope of earning a quick buck, would just be me lying to you, and me lying to myself. And for the sake of my own growth, down that path I cannot go.
Real growth takes time, thoughtfulness and effort, and cannot be achieved just by reading 7 easy tips. To attempt to sell you otherwise is simply lazy-ass thinking.
The Dip (When to Stick and When to Quit)
In his book The Dip, Seth Godin talks about the dip, the dead end, and how winners quit all the time; they just quit the right stuff at the right time. The difference lies in knowing the difference between a dip; the tough journey between the beginning and a worthwhile goal, and a dead end; where no matter how hard you slog you still end up going nowhere.
But when is the right time to quit? Godin proclaims that anytime you’re going to end up average, you might as well quit – because average is for losers.
Quitting at the right time is difficult. Most of us don’t have the guts to quit. Worse, when faced with the Dip, sometimes we don’t quit. Instead, we get mediocre.
The most common response to the Dip is to play it safe. To do ordinary work, blameless work, work that’s beyond reproach. When faced with the Dip, most people suck it up and try to average their way to success.
Which is precisely why so few people end up as the best in the world.
To be a superstar, you must do something exceptional.
Not just survive the Dip, but use the Dip as an opportunity to create something so extraordinary that people can’t help but talk about it, recommend it, and, yes, choose it.
The next time you catch yourself being average when you feel like quitting, realize that you have only two good choices: quit or be exceptional. Average is for losers.
Am I being too harsh? Isn’t your time and your effort and your career and your reputation too valuable to squander on just being average? Average feels safe, but it’s not. It’s invisible. It’s the last choice – the path of least resistance. The temptation to be average is just another kind of quitting…the kind to be avoided. You deserve better than average.
If I’m truthful to myself, I’ve made Life Coaches Blog just average. And in order for me to become more powerful, I have to let go of the things that give me less returns than the power I put in.
In a life with finite time and energy, I find myself saying no more and more the more I realize what’s truly important to me. The enemy of the great is truly not the bad, but the good, as choices become more refined and require greater awareness at that level. It’s easier to say yes to ice-cream versus a dish of rubbish, but harder to make the choice when you love both vanilla and chocolate flavors.
Letting go of less important and more average work frees me up to do the work that truly matters – my very best creative work. And that’s powerful.
To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy
In his book First Things First, Stephen Covey writes about the four human needs.
The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase ‘to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy.’ The need to live is our physical need for such things as food, clothing, shelter, economic well-being, health. The need to love is our social need to relate to other people, to belong, to love, to be loved. The need to learn is our mental need to develop and to grow. And the need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence, and contribution.
Life Coaches Blog served my spiritual need for meaning and contribution for the last 3 years, by giving me the chance to write and give away over 400 free personal development articles that have helped people, and by dedicating Life Coaches Blog’s profits to charity.
The thing about love, is that its not just about a connection to others but also about a connection to oneself – about how connected you are to your own heart. My heart tells me that it’s not enough to want to leave a legacy; it’s about leaving a legacy that you can be proud of.
I don’t want to leave behind mediocrity. And in a way I can’t really explain with the power of words, my heart tells me that if I continue with Life Coaches Blog I will be heading down an average path. The journey has been good, but I’ve gone as far as I can go here. And when I look at going down a new path, it is this path that my heart tells me is the path with heart.
I will be closing down Life Coaches Blog by stopping all posting, but I’ll still leave the site up. I still get comments and thanks for articles that are in the archives, and as long as they remain useful to someone I’ll be leaving them up to serve as my own little legacy.
Thank You
I want to thank all the life coaches who have contributed articles for Life Coaches Blog. Your contributions are all appreciated, and I deeply apologize for not being able to publish all of them. I should have been quicker and much more frequent in my replies, and for being inefficient and seemingly aloof, I’m sorry.
So, to Brenda Tung, Carey Powell, Chrissy Scivicque, David B. Bohl, Eleutherios, Jeanine Austin, Jeff Cleveland, Josh Perez, Karen Parsons, Paiboon Busayarak, Pete Tan, Rick Cook, Shelley Stile, Todd Goldfarb and Wang Yezhong, I thank you deeply – Life Coaches Blog could never have been as successful as it got without your help.
Create a Blog You Can Be Proud of
If I may give my contributors some advice – you don’t need anyone else to publish your articles for you. Create your own blog. I’m guessing it’s a lack of technical familiarity that’s holding some of you back – well, with free and easy to use software like Wordpress and support forums, it’s not too hard. Or, use a host like Site5 that helps you install Wordpress with the click of a few buttons, then customize it from any number of free Wordpress themes.
As to how to create a blog you can be proud of, read Steve Pavlina’s How to Build a High-Traffic Web Site (or Blog) and How to Make Money From Your Blog posts. I suggest my own 9 Keys to Building a Blog You Can Be Proud Of. Watch Merlin Mann’s video on How to Blog. Think about what they say. A lot. And then just do it. You won’t be perfect from the get-go but you’ll learn most from doing.
The Next Step
So what’s ahead? I still love writing, and I still love personal growth, so if you want to follow me on my journey you can follow me at the new 21 Dragons. It’s not a personal development blog per se, although it does have personal growth posts like The Beginner’s Mind Sucks But You Still Need It, A Letter to a Young Colleague and Personal Growth is a Choice.
Instead, it’s more a personal blog than anything really, which is why you’ll find sudden thoughts on marketing like The New MacBook’s Story, riffs on internet marketing like Before Making Large Bags of Money Online and muses on design like Apple & The Essence of Simplicity.
It’s also more snarky and contains some swearing, so it’s a little different from Life Coaches Blog 
It’s a real hodgepodge of my interests, and definitely not a ‘targeted, niche blog’. And that’s perfectly fine with me, as I explain in Why 21 Dragons Exists that I’m doing this for fun not profit (if you’re wondering about the name, check out What Does ‘21 Dragons’ Mean?). And I’m happy and excited and inspired to be doing it.
Which, I’m beginning to think, is the best reason to do anything.
December 17th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Alvin, I wanted to thank you. I’ve been reading this blog for a little over a year, ad it has helped tremendously. I’ve even found the courage to share bits of it with people. Good luck in your next endeavor.
December 17th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Thanks Gigi, I really appreciate that
December 18th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Hi son,
I am very sorry to hear that you give out posting on Life Coaches Blog which you have started years back. Soon’s family wishes you all the very best of what ever you are doing and we are proud of you son.
Love Daddy.
December 18th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Thanks dad!
December 20th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I have found great inspiration from your blog articles…especially since I am a practicing life coach and newbie blogger.
I am currently walking some of my blog members through a free work shop that focuses on Fulfillment. This workshop is called the 12 Days of Fulfillment. The relevance behind me sharing this is because, perhaps, it aligns exactly with what you’re experiencing.
If nothing changes then nothing changes…you obviously want and need change so congratulations on taking the bold step of inducing that change! I love it.
Also, I am a huge supporter and advocate of Seth Godin’s book The Dip. An incredible little book and one that I shared with my members in a book of the week article. If I can recommend another incredibly motivating read…and maybe something you could use right now…”Oh the Places you will Go” by Dr. Seuss. Seriously…check this one out if you haven’t already!
I will follow you on your journey and look forward to reading more of your writing.
More to come…
Rob
December 21st, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Thank you Rob.
I never expected the outpouring of support that came through this blog and the emails that followed this post, and they’re all very appreciated
Dr. Seuss? Seriously? I’ve always liked The Cat in the Hat, so I’ll go check it out.
December 25th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
“Real growth takes time, thoughtfulness and effort, and cannot be achieved just by reading 7 easy tips. To attempt to sell you otherwise is simply lazy-ass thinking.”
I couldn’t agree with you more. And as far as the blog goes, I think that’s just life. I’m 22 and I’m just realizing that I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago, and my friendships have evolved or disappeared. Anyways I could go on, but I like that you could write the truth, nothing connects people more than that.
December 29th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Hi Alvin,
At Successful Solutions Life Coaching our motto is “Live Life to its Fullest! It seems that you already know that. It is a great gift you have given all of us. May you always have the strength and courage to follow your heart.
Kindest regards,
Karen
January 7th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
As a spiritual life coach I find your blog a great source to go to. Keep up the wonderful work.
January 7th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Thanks Sharon! Much appreciated.
January 19th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Thanks for this blog. This leaves an eternal legacy into many hearts of men. Learning to love and be loved is a legacy that is kind a difficult to leave as legacy on earth. Because the way to up is going down the bottom. And few only choose the way down there. I was once a quitter, but Eureka I discovered the perfect legacy in life. People is having a fever when I get sick and tumble. Kamjah life coaching also has helped me a lot with its excellent service that brought some meaningful results in my life. I believe life coaching ushers us into a much more powerful new dimension living.
March 11th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Seth Godins latest book the tribes is something iv yet to buy. Anyone recommend it?
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:30 am
Alvin,
I just found this post but it is very pertinent to my life right now. When the student is ready the teacher will appear. I am facing the loss of motivation after three years. I don’t know if it is the just hard times dip or the get out and begin something else.
I am printing your post so I can read it a couple of more times.
Thanks
April 21st, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Truth , love and power all these three things gives u strength.Your article change my life.Thanks!
May 12th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Hi
This is a great article, and I enjoyed reading it.
You have some really sound advice.
Thanks…and have a great day.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than no Action
June 21st, 2009 at 12:14 am
Thanks,
that is one hell of a post you have written.
I wish there were more bloggers like yourself.
Igor
July 1st, 2009 at 4:46 pm
love and power realy gives you strength. act! and life will act on you!
nice article
Damian Oski
July 3rd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
thanks for the good advice, i really love your site and have made it my favorite keep up! the good work
July 18th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Thanks for sharing this wonderful article, I enjoyed reading it. Hope you will post more similar articles.
July 27th, 2009 at 7:13 am
I enjoyed reading this one, and I admire your honesty not only with your readers, but more importantly with yourself. Wish you all the best.
July 30th, 2009 at 3:15 am
The Law of Attraction really works! The key is continous self-motivation. If you feel lack of it, you might want to check out this great video:
http://www.timeforchangemovie.com
August 1st, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Some very good view points expressed by all. I really appreciate it. Thanks everybody.
August 19th, 2009 at 3:00 am
Alvin,
This is great advice. I think too many times people assume that quitting is a negative thing. While often it is, it is also important that one recognizes there are circumstances to which it can be beneficial.
Thanks again,
Nik
September 10th, 2009 at 1:43 am
Thankyou for sharing your thoughts in such an open and giving way. I only came across your blog the other day and am enjoying browsing.
October 4th, 2009 at 2:04 am
Your article is a big help for someone who are lost this time. Thank you for sharing!
November 21st, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Love the suggestions on how to set up a blog and how to get traffic to it. That is something I have wanted to do for a long time but thought it was beyond my technical knowhow. Maybe not…
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:03 am
Congratulations on creating this wonderful blog and also realising when it’s time for yourself to step away. All the best in whatever direction you have decided to take your life.
December 23rd, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Absolutely!
You have be looking for the change for the change to happen. When you are ready the universe will give you what you need and want.
Great post, thanks.
Matt
December 24th, 2009 at 1:01 am
That was a very good post, and helped illuminate some of the principles Deida talks about but that some people find a bit abstract or hard to relate to. You make it very clear.
I must check out this Seth Godin book The Dip too. It sounds very interesting.
Steve
December 30th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
This is really interesting. This is my first time to come to your blog and you are now closing!
You said –
“It has also become less truthful as I believe less and less in the simplistic answers most ‘life coaches’ out there offer as the gospel truth. The more I’ve grown, the further I realize I’ve moved away from the original tone of this blog. And to try to offer simplistic formulas for personal growth that I no longer believe in for the sake of web traffic and the hope of earning a quick buck, would just be me lying to you, and me lying to myself. And for the sake of my own growth, down that path I cannot go.”
Thanks Alvin for sharing and God bless.
Jose
January 15th, 2010 at 9:51 am
It takes commitment to grow. As a New York Life Coach, people want to hear the quick fix..but those that truly put in the effort to make a changes is when change happens…
January 18th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Great insights Alvin. I recently took on a project that completely sapped my energy to the point that I didn’t want to do anything related to it. I had to actively remind myself that the reason I have my own business is to avoid situations like this. It helped me clarify why I always coach people to follow their passions and do things they love. It does take courage to embark on any new endeavor but the rewards are immense: Joy, fulfillment and flow.
Take care,
Guy
January 30th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
How true this is. My upcoming radio show will discuss these matters. Maybe we can have you on the show?
January 30th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
What great ideas. I will be talking about similar motivation on my radio talk show. Maybe we can have you as a guest?