Values. What are the things to which you attach value? What is important to you? If you had to create a list of the top five things that you value, what would they be? Would it be money, possessions, power, stature and authority? Would it be love, family, integrity, freedom and compassion? Or a combination?
Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of
value.~Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955)
How Do You Want to Be Remembered?
We have all heard the adage about what the epitaph on our tombstone will say or not say. Will it say that she had a powerful job, she flew first class, that she had a Mercedes-Benz and wore only couture? More often you will read on a tombstone that she was a loving Mother and Wife, a charitable person and an outstanding member of the community.
Think about how you would like to be remembered. What would you like to hear people say about you at your funeral or memorial? Will it be on how much money you made or how much you consumed? Doubtful.
I remember the funeral of a very dear friend who died suddenly while he was still in his fifties. The Rabbi said that all we have in the end is our good name. Who we were, how we lived, how we loved, our empathy and compassion, service to the world we lived in and the legacy we left to our children and their children.
My Take on the Good Life
My own personal take on the good life, at least for me, involves the following: I want to be a person who possesses a deep appreciation for everything that I have: to be grateful. I want to be able to live without the fear of not being able to take care of my kids and myself and yes, I do want to live well.
Living well for me is a lovely home in nature; it is being free to travel; it is having the ability to help my kids get a good start in their adult lives; it is having enough money to be able to take good care of myself and to also be charitable. I want to have a life that is filled with meaning, with a deep connection to the world around me.
What Is Your Good Life?
What is your Good Life? Take the time now to give thought to the life that you want to live, the life that you would describe as the Good Life. Make certain that it is aligned with your values and your passions and to so you must connect with your values and passions.
What are they? Think long and hard about what brings you real joy and fulfillment. Remember those times in your life when you were the happiest; what resonated for you in those moments?
Consider how you want to be remembered, how you want to look in your children’s eyes. What traits do you admire in others and how can you adopt some of those traits? What have been peak experiences in your life and what was it about those experiences that made them so special?
These are the kind of questions that beg our attention. These are the questions that will ultimately lead us to the Good Life. Not the $14,000 dessert but a life well lived. With meaning, love, comfort, joy and fulfillment.
Shelley Stile is a professional Life Coach having trained with CTI, the Coaches Training Institute. She is also a member of the International Speaker’s Forum as well as an instructor at the Adult School of Montclair, NJ and a workshop leader at the Center for Women in Livingston, New Jersey. She works with individuals in a one-on-one relationship to guide them towards the life they want, especially during times of transition.
Visit www.changecoachshelley.com and take a free customized Life Quiz and sign up for weekly coaching tips. Contact Shelley Stile at shelleystile@changecoachshelley.com today for a complimentary sample session of coaching!
November 29th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Thanks Shelley for your thoughts on values. I agree with you that the best we can hope for in this life is that we contribute something to the well-being of others. On the other hand it is a special person who never makes a mistake and has no regrets, but my thought is that we are human and can only do our best. Better than that to find someone with whom I can do my best through love is also very important.
November 30th, 2007 at 8:07 am
Why would i have to contribute value to other people’s life for my life to have any meaning?
And why would living now in preparation for my funeral accomplish anything? I am not interested about how people will view me when I’m dead. I am interested in now.
People can be fickle, people can be mistaken. I won’t let my happiness rest on my interaction with people, nor their memories and opinions of me, which may or may not be accurate.
I do agree that one must pursue one’s values and passions. I do not agree, though, that the materialistic view of life is necessarily empty. One can value one’s achievements over other people, and one should. Achievement is the creation of values by the use of one’s independent mind, and material objects are the physical embodiment of those values. So in effect, valuing one’s accomplishments is by implication, valuing one’s mind.
November 30th, 2007 at 8:16 am
All in all, I still think you’re awesome. Your writings have inspired me many times, and you have definitely make a positive contribution to my life, whether you value that or not.
December 4th, 2007 at 7:42 am
I definitely agree with that. A lot of people want to be known a certain way while they are alive, but another way when they aren’t. I don’t think some wealthy woman that married some guy for his money wants a caption on her headstone that says “known for never having a job, driving an SUV, and living in a million dollar home”. Of course not. But she would definitely want you to have known those things when she was alive. Gee, I wonder why this is.