How can a person be completely comfortable with being by herself while someone else refuses to be alone even for a minute? Why do some people let themselves be persuaded to do things that are against their own better judgment just to make others happy? And just what is it that makes one person bounce back up from a breakup while another person wastes away?
I’ve discovered that it comes down to a lack of understanding of this one simple fact: that ultimately each and every one of us is completely and utterly alone.
Being the One in Your Life
It’s not just about the fact that there is only one unique you. It’s about the fact that there’s only really one person you have to face in the mirror day in and day out. It’s about the fact that there is only one person you have to answer to and one person whom you have to face when you go to sleep at night.
It’s also about the fact that there has been one person who’s been with you all this while, who has never abandoned you and has been by your side all this time.
The problem is we sometimes treat our friends, family and even our pets better than we treat ourselves. We forget to love ourselves, pet ourselves on the back, recognize our strengths and give ourselves encouragement. If our friends treated us the way some of us treat ourselves, we’d drop them on the spot! Yet some of us refuse to stop being our own worst enemy and start being our own best friend.
You Have to Be Your Own Best Friend
If you want to be happy, healthy and fulfilled, this really isn’t a choice: you have to be your own best friend. How do you treat the people in your life whom you care for the most? You have to treat yourself just as well, giving yourself love and acceptance unconditionally.
That means that when you encounter a setback, you say and treat yourself the same way you’d encourage and treat a best friend. When someone tries to persuade you to do something against your better judgment, you’d know when to say ‘no’ because you honor your own values. And when you need to be your only companion, you feel safe and happy to do so.
You Don’t Have to be Lonely to be Alone
Some people refuse to accept the fact that they’re alone. It can be scary to think that there’s no one truly responsible for you other than yourself. But instead of being a scary realization, it can be a uplifting one: when you being to love yourself and treat yourself with the care and attention you deserve.
And just because you have to travel this path alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. While we all have to walk our own walk, we are all on this path called life together.
June 18th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Yet another great post Alvin!
It took me a while to be comfortable with being alone and to realise the difference between that and being lonely. I’ve started to enjoy more “ME” time and I believe it’s given me the balance that I needed. To be a human being instead of human doing. Thanks for sharing!
June 18th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Beautiful post.
June 18th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
Awesome post. But I think we are not alone. Sometimes we may be “physically alone” but technology like Internet has connected all of us together even though we have not met each other at all.
Reality show like “Britain Got talent” allows people around the world to appreciate the talents like Paul who have been left untapped for years. He has a talent, but he is left alone until this competition starts. He has made me wrote a post on my blog. I believe we are not alone. Our talents can help us to bind the world together by spreading our abundance
Here is my post . Enjoy my view:-
Cheers
Karen
June 19th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Alvin, you wrote: “I’ve discovered that it comes down to a lack of understanding of this one simple fact: that ultimately each and every one of us is completely and utterly alone.”
This is actually not a fact, but an interpretation based on your current perception. Expand your perception and your interpretation will expand.
We have erected very subtle, almost invisible barriers in our hearts and minds. And those barriers make us believe we are alone, there is only one person to look at in the mirror every morning. Take down those barriers, little by little, and what do you find?
I wish you much joy in your search for that answer.
A
June 19th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
A lot of people enjoy alone time but given the society we have today which encourages outgoing, confident, sociable people, I feel a lot of us suppress this side of them or feel it is a negative quality, which is obviously far from the truth.
Organize IT
June 20th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
I guess the time when I truly learnt to enjoy my own company was when I finally can eat alone. I used to abhor doing this that I would grab a bun in my Uni days and holed myself in an empty tutorial room to finish up my lunch, on days when I can’t find any lunch buddy.
Well, now I enjoy so much of my “Me” time that I am able to understand and give my partner the personal time and space he occasionally needs.
June 21st, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Great advice. It’s really hard to stay happy if we are alone, especially if don’t have anything to do. But finding someone to talk to wouldn’t be hard with the help of technology.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 am
Great advice, although I’m not sure if it will work out with everyone since people were made to interact with others and not to stay alone away from everyone.
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Hey dude,
Got into a huge quarrel with your beau?
Just kidding.
Great read… keep it up.
June 28th, 2007 at 12:16 am
Hi Alvin - I agree with your blog post and wrote something similar for my coaching blog. Key to our clients’ success is enjoying their own company.
http://groundedinpotential.com/blog1/2007/03/23/alone-time/
Best of luck with your business.
Lauree
July 16th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Society stigmatizes and shuns loners as unsucessful people when in fact they don’t understand. Loners are stereotyped as strange, wierd, ugly, lazy, dumb, just like smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatsos. I prefer to be alone, and it doesn’t bother me one iota! Being alone is a physical thing. Being lonely is a mental thing. I like myself. I like being me. Less stress for me.
April 8th, 2008 at 10:40 am
ya.. be alone is da best daemn thing in the world..
peac man
April 8th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Having friends is great - but sometimes we have to understand that sparing a few hours alone may help ourselves to get our heads back together. It does feel wonderful to be alone. It’s freedom.