Why Stop Bitching When it is Therapeutic?
I was facilitating a team-building session when an interestingly hostile participant threw this spanner:
“My leader is obliged to hear me bitch about things at work! It is therapeutic and allows me to work better!â€
Being the hard-headed fool that I am, I nodded my head in acknowledgement of her comment. Effectively attracting the spanner to fly my way. She pointed to me and declared with aplomb:
“See, even the coach here agrees with me!â€
Is Bitching Therapeutic?
Yes! If therapy is defined, as a process that makes a person feels better, then bitching is therapeutic if you feel good after that.
So something happens to you, you bitch about it, you let it off your chest and everything is well and good again?
It doesn’t happen this way, does it?
Is Bitching REALLY Therapeutic?
Interestingly, if therapy is defined, as a process that makes the SITUATION better for a person to function in the environment that she is in, then we are in for a treat because we consider not only the one bitching in question. We are also taking into consideration, others and the context in which the bitching is done.
To me, bitching is synonymous with making oneself seen, heard and felt. The emotions get an outlet. It’s just a part of a therapeutic process. In therapy, there must be a resolution. In coaching, we take it a little further by demanding intiative.
What will a COACH do?
Here’s something we all can get used to using:
Step 1 – Allow bitching about it for 1 minute. However, the catch is you can ONLY do so for an alloted time of a single minute. Let all your emotions out. Then we are going to close the Bitching Box and WILL NOT come back to it again. We will move on to the next box.
Step 2 – “What happen?†Only list the facts of the event and not your judgement about persons involved. Be as detailed as possible. Take the 3rd person’s perspective. When you decide all the facts have been addressed, close the Event Box and we will not come back to it again. Move on to the next box.
Step 3 – “What must you do differently?†In order for the situation to become better or avoided, what must you do DIFFERENT? You can only focus on things that you do, not what others should do. Keep this Options Box open till you complete Step 4.
Step 4 – “What do you commit to do?†From the Options Box, find one thing that you are willing to commit to allow the changes to take place. By this time, you will notice that your focus is on creating possibilities and away from blaming others/the situation. Pick an option or a combination of a few that allows you to positively affect changes. Close the Options Box and place your choice of action and response in the Commitment Box. Declare: “I commit to…for the purpose of…so that I can reap positive benefit of doing so.â€
Step 5 – Define the 1st Action Step to take. Make it SMART.
Some of you may wonder whether Step 1 is even necessary. Well, my friends, that’s entirely up to you. It’s only one freaking minute.
Spanner Woman threw me a tool that allowed me to introduce the whole toolbox to the group. Why resist her when I can utilise her beliefs?
nice!
It is, isn’t it?
well that seemed like an easy way to talk you into living.
i wish it were that easy for me.
it’s the movies. one liners are staple diet.
What else? How about an answer to the question that’s not so glib it makes you want to spew your guts up? How about an answer that actually addresses the question, rather than eliding it with sophistry?
What’s your answer, J.Random Hacker?
Well, as you see, there is no answer to the meaning of life. Neo’s crappy answer just further confirms Smith’s words “Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose.”.
Oh an by the way, it’s just a stupid movie.
I guess some will choose to keep going hopeing things will get better, but I don’t think everyone is to be so lucky. Everyone even the most sucidial want to live, but sometimes I think are enviroment just fails to provide us with what were looking for to keep going.
There’s no meaning in life..if there is, there’s no evil nor goodness..
I find I enjoy life when I’m in nature, or doing gardening. I really love plants and animals, but I think people just use each other. Love is a joke and a lie. Its makes me sad to be lonely, but I’d rather be alone and safe than with someone who will just hurt and use me to better their own lot in life.
Life is meaningless, if it had meaning then there would be no choice. If we chose can make our own meaning and go about as we please or leave it meaningless and drown in our own despair.
There is no good nor bad, but thinking only makes it so. ~Willam Shakespear
what if i choose not , to?
Although that scene does pose a fitting answer to an atheistic question, it is ironic because the story of neo is a allegory to jesus christ.
interesting.
life is not meaningless we give it meaning every day by our choices and actions theres no illusion only truth bound with love everything up down inside or out is cased in love and light,but until we can awakin and truly see it and feel it and comprehend it we will continue to be miserable and be that drift wood that flows with what the majority says.we make the change the time is now today is the begginig of our brand new life.by the way there is alot of truth in the matrix.
Random Hacker is right. There is no purpose. That reply by Neo means nothing, it just distracts the questioner with wordplay. All this “you give it meaning” is complete shit — more distraction from the confusion and desperation for significance.
well then, would you rather life give you a meaning to live out? and what if you dont like it?
what if i told you life has has already given you a meaning, one that its given all of us? the only purpose of life is to die. and before that, you are supposed to procreate, so others can die later on. thats it. there is no supreme plan, no guideline for you to follow. just death. hooray!
to make our own purpose in life is what makes us human, what separates us from animals simply trying to live, have sex (and maybe make a half effort at being a parent), and die. Its what we do with our humanity, what we do with our choices in living, what we do with our thoughts, words, actions, and emotions that gives our lives purpose. and the only way to give our life meaning is to communicate our purpose to others, for it is only in the interpretation by a thinking mind that anything can be given meaning.
So to say i pursue life “because i choose to” is to say i pursue life of my own volition, with my own meaning, and with my own purpose. there really is no other way to go about it.
well, you can also let others tell you what to do. but that’s not really living.
Inflammatory comments will not be tolerated. Keep it respectful, people.
There is no meaning in life. To choose to continue living is an act of futility, or maybe because one hopes that there is some conclusion that can be drawn past this stage of realization. For instance, I started out Christian, lost god, found god, lost him, became spiritual, lost my spirituality, and found it all meaningless. Is there something beyond that? I can hope, but ironically, hope, just as every other feeling, is an illusion. There is no good, no evil, no love, no joy. There are only environments one grows up in, learning what responses are seen by the majority as proper, learning what it looks like to love someone, learning what it feels like to lose someone. All are attempts to give voice to the neutral silence that takes us all: truth.
These are excellent perspectives, many of which I have contemplated myself. But there’s one more answer we can add to why go on living?..
Sometimes I just want to be around to see what’s going to happen! You know what I mean? Part of me thinks so much of this existence is hard to bare, cruel and relentless as it is, and yet if by some small miracle you can separate yourself from the suffering long enough to witness… I can’t help but be fascinated by all this madness.
It is not the answer that is problem, it is the question, which itself is meaningless
Life is, thats it. You breath, you live. What more is there to know?
Deal with it, or not…
Bhavatu sabbe mangalum
May you all share in my dharma
I find it funny that many people who supposedly accept the meaninglessness of life spend so much time trying to find meaning, personal or otherwise. Surely we should spend more time trying to realise the futility? It’s easier, and more fun in a way; much less frustrating. It’s hard to put into words, but I always feel I’m closest when some aspect of human behaviour or thought or physique suddenly strikes me as being totally ridiculous and weird. A world without assumptions or imposed meaning, flat and without interpretation. See the world like an illiterate sees written characters, just a jumble of lines. That’s all it really is; anything else is just the meaning YOU impose on it, because of chemicals and synapses in your brain that have been trained to recognise patterns and understand. Strip away all preconceived assumptions, and everything looks silly. That’s the meaninglessness of life. It’s kind of hilarious.
You idiots miss the point. It’s telling us we have choice.