I was facilitating a team-building session when an interestingly hostile participant threw this spanner:
“My leader is obliged to hear me bitch about things at work! It is therapeutic and allows me to work better!”
Being the hard-headed fool that I am, I nodded my head in acknowledgement of her comment. Effectively attracting the spanner to fly my way. She pointed to me and declared with aplomb:
“See, even the coach here agrees with me!”
Is Bitching Therapeutic?
Yes! If therapy is defined, as a process that makes a person feels better, then bitching is therapeutic if you feel good after that.
So something happens to you, you bitch about it, you let it off your chest and everything is well and good again?
It doesn’t happen this way, does it?
Is Bitching REALLY Therapeutic?
Interestingly, if therapy is defined, as a process that makes the SITUATION better for a person to function in the environment that she is in, then we are in for a treat because we consider not only the one bitching in question. We are also taking into consideration, others and the context in which the bitching is done.
To me, bitching is synonymous with making oneself seen, heard and felt. The emotions get an outlet. It’s just a part of a therapeutic process. In therapy, there must be a resolution. In coaching, we take it a little further by demanding intiative.
What will a COACH do?
Here’s something we all can get used to using:
Step 1 – Allow bitching about it for 1 minute. However, the catch is you can ONLY do so for an alloted time of a single minute. Let all your emotions out. Then we are going to close the Bitching Box and WILL NOT come back to it again. We will move on to the next box.
Step 2 – “What happen?” Only list the facts of the event and not your judgement about persons involved. Be as detailed as possible. Take the 3rd person’s perspective. When you decide all the facts have been addressed, close the Event Box and we will not come back to it again. Move on to the next box.
Step 3 – “What must you do differently?” In order for the situation to become better or avoided, what must you do DIFFERENT? You can only focus on things that you do, not what others should do. Keep this Options Box open till you complete Step 4.
Step 4 – “What do you commit to do?” From the Options Box, find one thing that you are willing to commit to allow the changes to take place. By this time, you will notice that your focus is on creating possibilities and away from blaming others/the situation. Pick an option or a combination of a few that allows you to positively affect changes. Close the Options Box and place your choice of action and response in the Commitment Box. Declare: “I commit to…for the purpose of…so that I can reap positive benefit of doing so.”
Step 5 – Define the 1st Action Step to take. Make it SMART.
Some of you may wonder whether Step 1 is even necessary. Well, my friends, that’s entirely up to you. It’s only one freaking minute.
Spanner Woman threw me a tool that allowed me to introduce the whole toolbox to the group. Why resist her when I can utilise her beliefs?
May 4th, 2007 at 9:00 am
Actually Alvin, catharsis has been shown in studies to have negligible benefits to long-term well-being or anger management. So it damages your situation AND makes you feel no better in the long run (sometimes worse). Great article.
May 4th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I think some emotions need an outlet and bitching would be a way for. Most of us will feel better if we get rid of those emotions, thus I think it’s therapeutic. However, I don’t think it’s necessary to show or invovle other people on the process.
May 5th, 2007 at 8:59 am
Thanks for the input Scott, this post was actually written by my fellow life coaches blogger, Pete
May 5th, 2007 at 11:43 am
Yeah, that’s what a Coach will do Pete! We kick their butts to make them move! Great article
May 7th, 2007 at 10:35 am
We all have to let our emotions out eventually.
I agree that it should be closed after you are done with it. The problem with some people is that they keep on bringing it up
May 8th, 2007 at 12:27 am
Great article. A good reflection on practical life example of law of attraction is working in people life
May 11th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
Thanks for all the comments so far people.
Scott thanks for the insight on catharsis and it’s effect (or should I say ineffect). That’s why I’m advocating giving it only ONE single minute.
Blaming everyone and everything else give our power away. We are telling the Universe that we submit our control to others and we fall under their plan.
We don’t interupt ourselves often enough when we are venting and ranting to ask the obvious questions to reclaim our power….hmmm… maybe that’s another post all together.
One good question to ask ourselves often when we meet an obstacle will be:
What am I doing about it?