This is the post that’s been forming the last couple of weeks and kept me debating myself whether or not to write it. In the end, it took one of my best friends to tell me to do what I felt was right, and for me to tell myself to do what feels honest.
You see, for the last four months I’ve been taking a path, one that many wouldn’t want to, dare to, or approve of taking. I’ve been walking in the world of PUAs, or Pick-up Artists, and the news is that world is not only fascinating, but I believe essentially useful.
Despite what you might think of them, the PUAs have created models of male/female relationships that when I put to the test, worked, and have thrown a lot of light on why I succeeded and failed in my past relationships. And a lot of the advice is contrary to what popular culture believes.
In fact, if you believe that learning how to attract and seduce women is wrong, and you don’t like having your map of the world challenged and stretched, save yourself the time and stop reading now.
If you’re still reading this, that means you’re sticking around and at least agree to keep your mind open. It’s useful to think of the methods as a tool, like a knife. While people use knives to help and hurt people, the knife by itself isn’t good or bad, it’s just a tool.
There are many methods and theories to pick-up, but an easy way I’ve found to describe it is to divide it into the art of attraction and the art of seduction.
The Art of Attraction
PUA Guru David DeAngelo likes to say that ‘attraction is not a choice’, and after my experiences I agree. But while attraction isn’t a choice, creating and acting on attraction is.
But just what is attraction?
You attract people when you’re attractive, when you have traits and qualities that people want to be around. The PUAs call this solid inner game, and a lot of it has to be with what we share around here: leading yourself, making yourself a better person and building a good life.
The best thing about having solid inner game is that you can’t fake it, come push or shove you either have it or you don’t, whether it’s confidence, a sense of worth or fulfillment. Women are actually much better at picking up the state of a man’s inner game, and for this I love them: a good woman is like the grindstone to your blade, through them you will sharpen and hone your edge.
Building solid inner game feels great, because the more I make myself attractive, the more attracted I feel towards myself and my life: the essence of self-esteem.
The Art of Seduction
A strong inner game will increase your success with women, but a car with a strong engine won’t perform at its peak without great driving skills. The art of seduction is solid outer game; what you say and what you do.
I’ve always been fascinated by human psychology, and the dynamics between men and women are equally fascinating. The more I delve into this subject, the more I realize just how complex the male/female dynamics are and how different the sexes are.
The PUAs’ principles of social and sexual dynamics is deep. A lot of what’s going on below the surface of male/female interactions blew my mind when I learned about it, and saw it in action; stuff that women won’t want to admit and men won’t want to face. But the more you claim your sexual heritage, the more power you will have: power is in the truth.
People will say that learning the art of seduction is manipulative, but if you don’t already think that we are manipulating and being manipulated everyday; get real. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather do it consciously than unconsciously, so I can direct my influence with control and intent.
Is it Wrong to Want to Be Attractive & Seductive?
Recently I’ve read reports that people have come out slamming the PUA community; saying how dare men learn ways of being good with women! The nerve! As if we should already know what to do about being good with women without learning about it.
If you’ve read so far and you think you still have a choice, you don’t. We’re using our words and actions every day in our interactions with the opposite sex, some of it hurts and some of it helps. But the question is whether you want to be aware of how it works or not.
Go to any bookstore and look at women’s magazines, the shelves are stacked with advice about men and dating. Face it, when it comes to social dynamics women clearly have the edge; women talk, men grunt.
If a shy, insensitive man like me who had his first girlfriend at the age of 24 could take this material and use it to become confident, easy-going and fun with women, why not?
What the PUAs are doing is giving men the tools to make women feel good. It’s a wonderful experience to be seduced by someone you’re attracted to – remember the first giddy time you fell in love?
There is nothing greater to show how much a man loves women then to take the time and effort to learn how to be great with them – and just in case you think this is a cushy matter of reading a book sitting in an armchair sipping hot chocolate, it isn’t. A lot of it involves overcoming chills, fears, taking risks, putting your ego and pride on the line to face crushing rejection, all in the name of being able to walk up to the woman of your dreams one day.
Now I know there are people who will take this tool, this knife, and hurt people – just like there are people who will use it to help themselves and others. But we don’t stop making knives because of that.
How You Can Increase Your Success With Women
If you don’t agree with me and the PUA models of the world, that’s fine and I respect that. It’s another map of the world and not the world itself; if it’s useful, use it, once it isn’t useful then expand your map with the next learning. But if you want to learn more, here are some great free resources to give you a head-start.
You can find them useful whether you’re a man or a woman, because ultimately this deals with masculine and feminine energy regardless of sex…but that’s another topic for another time.
To learn more about the art of attraction, go to David DeAngelo. The man has done his homework and has created solid material. Join his free mailing list to learn more.
For the art of seduction, Ross Jefferies‘ Speed Seduction mailing list is a good place to start.
And probably the best place online to pick this stuff up, the classic Fast Seduction.
P.S. Joseph South does one of my favorite podcasts on love, sex and life.