Who Leads Your Reality?

What’s the difference between someone who’s led around by the nose and someone who does the leading?

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), we learn about the Law of Prerequisite Variety: the element in any system that has the most flexibility will end up leading the system.

Think of little children, they have incredible flexibility. To get you to do something, they’ll tease, cajole, beg, lie, cry, laugh, use logic, use emotion, jump up and down, be adorable, be funny, and they’ll keep doing it until they get what they want.

Adults seem to have 2 or 3 patterns they keep coming back to :P

But while that belief has been useful to me, I’ve come to feel that it’s incomplete. Instead of:

The person with the most flexibility will lead the group.

I’ve come to believe that:

The person with the most flexibility and inner congruence will lead the group.

We know that the map is not the territory. When you’re alone, you’re living in your own reality. But when you’re out there with people, there are many different realities interacting all at once.

So the obvious question is; whose reality do you want to be in; theirs or yours? Because I’ve come to realize the person who has the most congruent map of the world will lead perceived reality, and the group.

Let’s say you have a shaky belief that you’re attractive to the opposite sex. You’d like to believe, and you do believe it – half of the time. The other half you’re not so sure.

You go out with a group of friends and meet some new people of the opposite sex. As the day goes on you notice that they seem to be ignoring you; alarm bells go off and the pessimist inside your head goes; ‘oh no, I guess I’m not that attractive after all!’

But what if you have a strong, inner conviction that the opposite sex finds you irresistibly delicious? So even if they do seem to be ignoring you, the voice inside your head will go in another way; ‘they haven’t had the chance to know how sexy I can be yet’.

In the first example, your shaky map of the world will be led by their maps of the world which has made them do what they do – but maybe they were just shy? In the second, your congruent map of the world will lead you to take proactive actions to steer the direction of the group in the way you want.

Together with the law of prerequisite variety, if you have the flexibility to keep changing your approaches, you’ll have even more power to lead anyone’s reality instead of being drawn into theirs.

16 Responses to “How to Create a Place of Power”

  1. Kloudiia
    May 16 2007 at 3:12 pm #

    I just started giving myself a short time of about 5 – 10 minutes for self-reflection and prayer before I sleep, with very light music at the background. It really feels very good, and allows me to know what else I can improve.

    Takes quite a bit of discipline really, especially when I’m feeling really sleepy. Maybe I can test this ball of energy out too ha!

  2. Pete Tan
    May 16 2007 at 4:01 pm #

    This is such a weird coincidence…I do the energy ball thingy too…in exactly the same way Alvin describe everyday.

    Whenever I am training or coaching, I will also manifest positive energy as much as I can and project the energy in the space that we are all in.

    I believe when we project positive energy, we open ourselves to receiving them easily as well.

    Great post!!

  3. karenlim
    May 17 2007 at 11:59 pm #

    Great post.

    In fact this block out time is also mention in the Free Report by The Teacher in The Secret, which I have updated it in my blog.

    This ball of positive power is new to me. I like to try it out and let you know how it works out for me. Cheers!

  4. Romantic Ideas
    May 18 2007 at 2:21 am #

    True, all great leaders are able to draw strength from within. Good leaders make tough decisions, and making tough decisions can be a lonely thing to do. Most of those who you protect don’t know you are protecting them with your tough decisions! Good post.

  5. Pete Tan
    May 18 2007 at 1:38 pm #

    Almost all top executives I come across in my headhunting career have one thing in common: they make time to contemplate, meditate and recharge.

    Inner strength that is harnessed as a result allows for appropriate detachment from emotions that are in the way of necessary mindfulness.

  6. Lola
    May 21 2007 at 8:59 pm #

    Great exercise to build inner strength and power! I’ve just tired it and it felt fab. Thanks for a new visualisation to add to my limitless development toolkit I am busy acquiring.

    Love, light and abundance x x x

  7. leo
    May 22 2007 at 12:06 pm #

    I read this post a few days ago and when I try and absorb the energy ball, it doesn’t go past my head. I know, this sounds like a lame joke. But I do feel more uplifted when I’m done.

  8. James Coburn
    June 18 2007 at 1:01 pm #

    Bruce lee was killed by the american chempions like Chuck Norris , Bob Wall ………….

  9. ShinobiTeNo
    June 20 2007 at 4:28 pm #

    Excellent article!
    You cook really excellent “food” for enlightment!

    2 James Coburn: It doesn’t matter. The way he gave us is immortal. Even his death/dissapearance has boosted attention of the publicity to his teachings.

    And saying like “Karlos (Chuck) Norris has killed Lee” has no ground under the feet. Chuck really respected Lee and was his friend, he is one of the last persons, who could have done it. Besides Lee was NOT that stupid.


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