The Secrets of Ninja Life Coaching

What’s the difference between a canned routine life coach and a natural game life coach?

A canned routine life coach can’t step outside of the boundary of techniques, he’s bound by the steps and formulas and needs to proceed step-by-step always. You can tell the type: when a person has a problem, he’ll always have a magic technique to whip out for the occasion…even if he has to bulldoze his way to complete the technique, he will.

In contrast, when you see a natural game life coach at work, you might think they’re slacking off. They’re not doing anything remotely resembling what you think a life coach should do, lest for a strange question here and there. You can’t see or hear a single technique they’re pulling…yet they get results. Why?

Before I tell you, let me confess: I’ve been both. More canned routine when I was starting out, and more natural game after I got better. There are times and places for both, magic is in flexibility and choice, not being stuck in either mode.

A natural game life coach understands the principles of the techniques at work. Instead of seeing steps and formulas as ‘whats’ to do, she understands ‘why’ they’re done. That’s why on the surface she looks like she’s not doing any canned routine, but subtly, underneath the surface structure she’s directing the same deep structure as the canned routine life coach.

Ninja life coaching!

A lot of you know I don’t do formal life coaching anymore, but I use my powers for good once in a while…and to keep in practice because I get rusty too :P

Here’s a simple technique of natural game ninja life coaching you can use, and probably already use if you’re naturally good at cheering people up – now you can understand why.

2 easy principles you need to believe first:

1) People make better decisions when they feel good.

2) People make sucky decisions when they feel bad.

So what happens when you need to natural game someone from a stuck problem state into a positive solution state?

Make them feel better first!

As much as we’d prefer to think otherwise, we make most of our decisions based on how we feel more than what we think.

And here’s the guiding strategy:

Focus people on a positive future, and leave the sucky past where it belongs – in the past.

Listen, here’s a reason why I got so many results as a life coach – I was too damn impatient and lazy to go digging around for ‘original causes’ of problems in people’s pasts.

Yeah, yeah, I know. You’ve heard it all, from Sigmund Fraud, motivational coaches and your neighbor’s cat that the reason you’re so messed up now is because when you were a child, you didn’t get the chocolate ice-cream you wanted.

Here’s a thought: let’s say you were moaning and groaning about the chocolate ice-cream you didn’t have yesterday. Now what if I brought you into an ice-cream store with 101 flavors of ice-cream to choose from? Would you prefer to go digging into your past and find out just why you didn’t motivate yourself to go get one yesterday? Or screw that and just go get a new ice-cream right now?

Yes, there’s a time and place when working on your past can help. But while insight into the past can be helpful, it doesn’t change the past. The point as a life coach is to make the future so overwhelmingly better that the past doesn’t matter anymore, because people live in the present and they move forward into the future – whether they’re looking forward or backward. Might as well look forward so you can steer better.

When someone comes up to you and starts telling you about their problems, listen – but don’t get sucked into it. Take what is useful, but remember your sacred mission is to orient them to a positive future.

Add the principles and guiding strategy up, and you have this:

Make people feel better and get them talking about a positive future.

It’s as simple as that, and it’s as difficult as using all your skills, language patterns and life coaching techniques to get there.

P.S. I know, a lot of your will be clamoring all over me to reveal more, instead I’ll point you to the original ninja life coach: Milton Erickson. Don’t read, devour Phoenix: Therapeutic Patterns of Milton H. Erickson. More than a book, this is the bible of ninja life coaches everywhere.

2 Responses to “Secrets of Changing Minds: They’re From A Different World”

  1. Kloudiia
    October 4 2006 at 2:18 pm #

    Hey that’s just so right Alvin. And adding on, it is equally if not more important to tell your partner how it feels like to you when he/she has done or said something right, that makes you feel loved. Describe the feeling to them. Trust me, you will get much more of such feelings by telling your partner and appreciating him/her for it. ;)

  2. Alvin Soon
    October 4 2006 at 7:07 pm #

    That’s a great tip Kloudiia, no wonder you’re the relationship expert :) Thanks!