Methods of Successful Influence
How did I shift the beliefs of a woman with a death wish into one so excited about living she took up salsa lessons? How did I persuade a man who had been carrying the burden of guilt for over 40 years that it was time to forgive himself? How did I use the power of words to propel my coaching success to become the fastest promoted senior coach in the history of one of the largest training companies in Singapore?
In the Secrets of Changing Minds series I reveal step by step the key communication tips & strategies from NLP and indirect hypnosis you can use to change minds and transform beliefs.
What To Do When All My Smarty-Pants NLP Tricks Failed
It’s what you must have from the start and it’s what pulls you through until the end. It’s the simplest key and also the hardest of all. The most important key to changing someone’s mind is just to care.
Not as sexy as giving hypnotic commands, but true.
I rose fast through the ranks of the Akltg coaches, becoming the faster coach ever to be ranked senior coach in the Patterns of Excellence programs. I was a little snotty as I became an NLP elite; I knew more about NLP than most of the coaches and I knew it.
But being the snotty NLP encyclopedia I noticed coaches that didn’t have my gigantic (awe-inspiring really) arsenal of NLP tricks up their sleeves…who still got wonderful results with their participants. What was going on?
I wondered over that for a while, until I gradually came to understand it: those coaches cared. And that caring, more than any coaching technique, was the key ingredient in helping their participants make changes happen.
People are smarter than we give them credit for. We may not always notice it but there’s an inner intuition that lets you know when someone is ‘right’ or when someone is ‘wrong’, you know when someone is acting with your interests at heart or not.
In all my experiences of coaching children, teenagers and adults it’s always been the same: if you can’t come from a position of caring you can’t affect change. If someone senses you’re coming for you more than for them, they’re going to switch off.
When you want to change someone’s mind, change it for them, not just for you. You’ll feel better for it, and you’ll succeed more often.