Making Mistakes And Self-Esteem
I goofed up major big time.
I’ve always wanted to repaint my room from blue to white, because it clashes with my brown furniture (matching colors are very important you know :p).
When I took out some of my wall hangings, they ripped off parts of the old paint. I don’t know what it’s called, but there’s a layer of texture pasted onto the wall. When it came off, it peeled off in big easy chunks, and I thought I might as well get rid of all of it sinced it peeled off so easily. I never liked it either.
Big mistake! Only certain parts peeled off easily. The rest were a major, major pain. I ended up scraping my wall to get bits off, and now it looks hideous. I couldn’t get rid of all of it, so the other 3 walls are still textured while that 1 wall looks like the cat from hell came for target practice (scraaaatch).
Sigh.
The point is this: I realized how you take your mistakes impacts your self-esteem in a major way.
Optimists vs. Pessimists
It’s been shown that people who are optimistic, when they make mistakes or face challenges in one area of their life, treat it as limited to that area. It doesn’t say or mean anything about them, they just fudged up like anyone else they know does.
Whereas pessimists see the mistake as global, and to them it extends to all the areas of their life. They make the mistake mean or say something about them, which can even extend to their identity!
Me doing the wall as an example:
Optimistic me thinking: Damn, this is tough. I shouldn’t have done it…but then I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t. At least I learnt something. Let’s see if I can make this fun…maybe some music. Hey, is friday still on for my lunch with the gang? Should be a good time…
Pessimistic me thinking: Oh crap, this is way too tough. I shouldn’t have done it…damn damn damn why do I always make mistakes? Dammit…this was stupid. I’m stupid. I’ve always been stupid. Damn damn damn…I wonder what my friends see in me, I’m soooo stupid. My life’s f**ked up.
Ooooo boy. You can imagine how many hits to my self-esteem I’d take if I thought like that (ok, I admit it, I was slipping there part of the way, but I got out). The stronger your self-esteem, and the less hits you bring it, the more you’d allow yourself to remember making mistakes are human, and shrug it off.
There’s No Failure, Only Learning Experience
Whenever you make a mistake, it’s helpful to remember:
1) It’s not global. Just because you messed up in one area doesn’t mean you are a mess up.
2) It only means what you want it to mean. Someone might make a mistake and interpret it as a little goof, someone else might make the same mistake and take it to mean they’re incompetent.
3) There is no failure, there is only learning experience.
I know it’s helping me get past this messed up painting experience 
I really enjoyed this post. It’s easy to forget how powerful our physical reactions are! I like your approach here. Especially reminding the reader that we are not always ready for change — though we think we are! I agree that the real failure is letting fear stop us. Thanks for posting this!
Hi Julie,
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad it was helpful! “Coping with Stress” is a part of a series of articles on Stress that I have written, hopefully Life Coaches Blog will be posting the rest. So keep in touch!
Kindest regards,
Karen
This is a great article. I especially like the list of symptoms… some of which a lot of people may not recognize as a sign of stress.
It’s also important to continue with your stress managment activities even when there are no signs or symptoms of stress. Doing this will help you become stressed less often and ward off stress before it even begins.
Hi Jill,
Absolutely, it should be a way of life! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Kindest regards,
Karen
Hi,
Great site!!!!! Good health is very important with the high cost of medical coverage. We need to have a healther lifestyle by taking care of our health eating and exercising. I am a cancer survivor and I know. Our health is our greatest asset. Keep up the Good Work!!!!!
The physical body does not differentiate between happy stress and overwhelm. Stress is stress. We need to develop coping mechanisms in our daily life to avoid the harmful, physiological effects of stress.