But Stop Your Buts!
I’m going to take a break today from The Hero’s Journey and talk about an short conversation I overhead at a cafe. Naughty of me to eavesdrop, I know, but…it was all for you guys! ;P This is what I heard:
Lady: Blah blah blah.
Man: Yes, I know, but blah blah blah.
Lady: Blah blah.
Man: But blah blah blah!
Lady: Blah blah…blah blah, blah!
Man: I agree but blah blah blah blah!
But But But!
I couldn’t help but imagine how frustrated the lady must have been! You see, whenever you use the word ‘but’ in the middle of a sentence, you cancel out whatever has been said before. So on the surface, while he sounds like he’s agreeing, unconsciously he’s disregarding whatever she’s saying, and they both know it. Even if it’s only at an unconscious level, it still manages to piss people off.
Test this out, what effect do these sentences have on you?
‘You’re a great guy, but…’
‘You’ve done really well so far in your work, but…’
‘I agree with you 100%, but…’
You feel it? And if you say it at the beginning, it’s an instant rapport breaker, because you’re immediately disagreeing with whatever the person said:
‘Yes, but…’
‘But but but…!’
And At The Same Time
One thing you can replace ‘buts’ with to build rapport is ‘and at the same time’. Imagine hearing these being spoken to you instead:
‘You’re a great guy, and at the same time…’
‘You’ve done really well so far in your work, and at the same time…’
‘I agree with you 100%, and at the same time…’
Feels differently, doesn’t it?
Even Though
And also ‘even though’.
‘You’re a great guy, even though…’
‘You’ve done really well so far in your work, even though…’
‘I agree with you 100%, even though…’
This allows you to keep a positive frame, and agree to disagree with respect without making the other person feel like he’s being attacked.
Well now let’s hope this help clear up the air about hypnosis.
It’s nothing sneaky or improper. In fact, there’s lots of fun involved! (esp when u see how well it works out)
Yup yup, my fellow Life Coach and trance junkie
I think we’ve both been pretty lucky to have seen the myths of trance busted before our eyes and experienced its wonder first hand.
Nice to see you back commenting here at LCB
I wondered if you have read Derren Brown’s new book ? It has given me a lot of food for thought throwing a whole new light on the “hypnotic experience”.
I once saw him live in UK, he is very well informed regarding goal setting and mind changing approaches. His views on organized religion are a real eye opener, not for the faint hearted!
BTW Nice well thought out site. Well done!
Hypnosis experience shines out like a strong light from your article: Secrets of Changing Minds. Thanks for showing ‘it’s going on all the time!’
Interesting article you got here. Some people may not know it, but when they are conversing with other people they may unconsciously be hypnotizing them.
Great articles. I’m fascinated myself by conversational hypnosis and nlp’s use of structured, embedded commands in language.
Secrets of Changing Minds excellent artical, being a nlp master practitioner we used embedded commands very easy to learn, Example would be as you read this artical im sure you will discover how easly you can learn. Simple but very effective as im sure you relize now.