Lately I’ve had to deal with a lot of changes happening in my personal life. At first, describing them to my friends, I kept calling them endings, but afterwards I began to feel as if it was a process of renewal. There is a Chinese saying that goes ‘if the old doesn’t go, the new cannot come’. Keeping that in mind, I’ve begun to view these difficult events as a shedding of things for me to grow forward, and so I’ve come to call them ‘changes’ instead of ‘endings’.
Difficult as it may, I know a friend who is also going through some tough changes of his own. This post is really for him, because I want to share with him some tools I’ve found to be useful for me in managing my emotional state to navigate through the difficult times. I’m prone to worry and depression myself so I’ve had to learn how to pull myself through, and the beliefs and techniques from NLP and Solutions Focused Brief Therapy have helped tremendously.
1. It is not necessary to understand the cause of the problem to solve it.
Most people believe that it’s essential to know the roots of the problem before they can change. ‘If only I knew why I’m so…I’d be able to change myself’. Unfortunately, this isn’t true. Understanding does not always create change. Solutions are often new elements injected into the existing situation. A belief like this often fosters the ‘paralysis of analysis’, encouraging too much navel gazing that makes people do the exact opposite of the following belief you need to overcome difficult times…
2. Spend only 20% of your time on what’s wrong, and 80% on what’s right.
If you spend 80% of your time focusing on the problem and only 20% on the solution what do you think is going to happen? It’s easy to complain. It’s easy to be a defeatist. You need to make it so it’s even easier to answer the question ’so what are you doing about it?’
3. No matter what else is happening, you are at least doing one thing right in your life.
No matter how badly you think your life may be going, or how messed up you think you are, there is at least one thing you are doing right in your life or you wouldn’t be alive reading this.
4. Problems aren’t always there!
You may think you’re always depressed, or sad, or down and out…only because you haven’t noticed when you haven’t been. You know when you are…how about when you aren’t? For example, it’s physically impossible to be depressed all the time…notice that next time you really really really need to go to the toilet.
If it’s not possible to be depressed all the time, then it’s also not possible not to be happy all the time.
5. You are more than just your problems.
You are not a depressive. You are not bankrupt. You are not a retrenched worker. You are not a rejected salesman. You are not last place. Let’s not lie, you are responsible for the results you create in your life, sure. But you are not your problems. You are a living breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than even all of your problems added up together.
6. If what you are doing isn’t working, do something, anything, different from what you’ve been doing before!
If you find yourself stuck in a rut, you’re stuck because you’re doing the same things over and over again in that same spot. If you really need a change, just challenge yourself to do one thing differently from before. A little shift already creates a different result, and little shifts build on to create bigger shifts in time.
7. Today is a new day.
The past does not equal the future. The future can be even better than the past, unless you make it worse. You can focus on what’s over and unchangeable and miss making it better here and now, or you can do better. Leave what’s past where it belongs. Create hope for the future. Do that by…
8. Seeing what you want in the future.
Not what you don’t want. What you do want. Since the future’s a blank canvas, you’re free everyday to paint it as you wish. You can choose to paint a bleak picture…but is that a quality choice? If you can see, hear or feel it, you can go to it. Do this as often and as much as you can.
9. What are you grateful for in your life right now?
And finally, the most spiritual and uplifting quality I know of; living the attitude of gratitude. No matter who, where and when you are, the fact that you’re still here, means that you have at least one thing you can be grateful about in your life right now. Not talking about settling for what you have, but acknowledging it, appreciating its’ presence, knowing that there are good things in your life, will help you attract even more.
Like attracts like. It can happen out there inwards, it can also start immediately inwards out. Your mind makes a difference, and if millionaires can be depressed, and POWs be cheerful, you have enough power to direct your inner state, irrespective of what you think must make you feel any way.
September 8th, 2006 at 1:02 pm
A very inspirational article. Thank you for writing it.
September 8th, 2006 at 6:00 pm
Thank you Stacked
October 20th, 2006 at 3:44 am
A friend of mine posted a link to this article on her blog and it is so appropriate for me right now. Inspirational writing like this there should definitely be more of. Thank you.
October 23rd, 2006 at 11:07 am
Thank you Claire, I’m very happy you found it of value. All my best to you
April 28th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Peace people
We love you
June 14th, 2007 at 4:13 am
!!!!!!!!!!
Well, thats pretty much you thought here!
But positive thinking is dangerous when it tries to make you look away from reality. It can end with drugs or worse….
Never forget ,what the purpose and point of application are, bee in good mood, never look at the things in rose glasses and there should be no problems.
Greetz
Shinobi
July 25th, 2007 at 10:24 am
Hey Shinobi
Awesome blog. i believe these strategies will benefit alot of people. I been personally involved in the human development field for many years and believe that focusing on your goal and taking action towards its attainment are crucial for any level of success. To be able to focus and take action on your result whilst your environment is displaying the opposite is a great sign of character, and your key to successfully attaining whatever it is you want. I believe your post will benefit alot of people. I love to share my own personal experiences with you in my blog over here if your interested.
Cheers
August 27th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Well written article, I think that by getting through the difficult times it helps you appreciate the good times.
February 17th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Excellantee!
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:58 am
i want to die…my life is finished…wat shall i do???
September 24th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Speak to a counselor in your area, want to die.
October 10th, 2008 at 2:14 am
weel written article I like the idea of looking at the present and future rather than looking at the past when it is better to move on..
October 14th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Thanks for the blog,at least im filling alittle better.
October 16th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Very helpful – I’ve been looking for something to remind me how to get my chin off the floor and get through my current difficulties. Thank you!
October 22nd, 2008 at 12:39 pm
great article here, if you want to learn how to spin an article check me out
January 20th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Thanks Alvin, That’s the biggest dilemma of man while facing the problems, he doesn’t know the keys to overcome the world. They boast their knowledge and monies to solve the problems yet failed. Right perspective in life is a wisdom that only a few follows. Viewing problem as opportunity and challenge that makes a difference can lead to success. Life coaching helps build a citadel of courage and confidence facing this challenge and helps change our attitudes on how we view things together for the good. I was mentored by this new way of living from a powerful kamja and that my life has never been the same before.
March 24th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
The past year has been unrelenting for me, really stressful. I’m trying to regroup and find a purpose, but it’s been hard. I hope I can move in a positive direction. Thanks for the article.