Why a coach is not a motivational speaker
When I told my brother, with whom I run Louis Cars with, that I’d started Life Coaches Blog, he groaned something about another motivational speaker…grumble grumble.
But coaches aren’t motivational speakers! What’s the difference?
What’s a motivational speaker? Generally, picture someone speaking to a large group of people, hyping them up, giving them the low-down on how it is. That’s one to many. It’s got to be a pretty generalized message, for it to go over so many heads.
Now, imagine someone talking with you, face-to-face, asking you about your specific needs and wants, and outlining a personal strategy with you to get there. That’s one to one. It’s specific and tailor-made. That’s coaching.
Can a coaching session be motivational? Sure. But we’re more concerned with getting you to done than getting you to rah-rah let’s do it. Coaching understands that motivation is not a one-off thing; you do not inject motivation and it runs forever and ever. That kind of motivation is like a caffeine hit, you injest, get really hyper for a while, then hit the down and putter out.
Coaching is regular motivation, or rather regular reviewing, re-strategising and re-momentuming (yes, I just made up a word) that gets you motivated like a professional athelete does: she knows she can’t hit the gym once, run 10 miles and expect to be fit forever. Nope, it’s constant fine-tuning, regularly. Even if it’s just by small increments in performance each and every time, those small increments add up to a lot.
And that’s why a coach is not a motivational speaker.
“In between being right and being caring, I CHOOSE to be caring.”
It doesn’t seem to long ago when you shared this with me over supper at the usual place.
NLP is just a tool…in many instances, coming as a form of technique. We all agree that it’s the ATTITUDE behind the techniques that makes the applications work.
Good post Alvin! Right off the time when we just finished a run of POE.
Putting empathy in the foreground and holding the highest positive regards for the people we are working with does help.
Gee…I wonder if I am becoming a snotty NLP encyclopedia?
What do you mean becoming one? I thought you already are Uncle Pete! Haha.. ok let’s remove that non-empowering word ‘snotty’ ya. You are too generous with your sharing to be one snotty fella…
I love this post Alvin. Cos it is so congruent with what I always believed in. The techniques help us to speed things up at times, but the core is still the heart. And yes, people will be able to feel it if you come across as sincerely for them, or for ourselves.
That’s the same advice I gave to whoever who asked me how to go after the girl of their dreams. Sincerity is the golden key to all hearts.
This post is just so awesome … I have been thinking about this issue recently too … And I know Pete mentions this occassionally, but we need to talk about this more and more!
I have a just a little coaching experience at PoE, but I have noticed a huge difference in the coaches ever since a year ago when I started my NLP journey.
– I remember having coaching groups where all we did was bitch about different participants, and the energy seemed so low. I now realize, that that group lacked the empathy and care required to touch their hearts …
– I remember being in a coaching group where we were all framed up to just assume … that having the positive intent was the most natural thing we could’ve done … and that group turned out to be so positive, so helpful and so effective
– And I clearly remember … Pete & Stuart changing the focus of the coach trainings … from lots of NLP awareness exercises in the past … to just being able to perform the coaching with a great intent and helping our participants.
And I wish everyone could just follow the simple principles of “caring” and “patience” to help the people around them. But of course, the junkie inside all of us will always look for the latest secrets & techniques of influence …
Just come back to the basics after that, ok? I know I will keep coming back to revise these principles every time I need guidance.
All that’ve been said so far, this post captures the essence and core of how a facilitating coach playing the role of a ‘bastard’ in a program like Patterns of Excellence (POE) like me can align my best intentions for the participants even while using a very provocative and in-your-face approach:
I care enough such that I can be angry and shouting and challenging…not AT the participants but FOR them.
Alvin is right when he mentioned that we all have a bullshit-detector and are able to intuitively discern whether we are on the receiving end of congruent and genuine best intentions.
Kloudiia, I always believe that I can internalise stuff better when I can teach someone do the same. Also, the Pygmalion Effect of expecting the coaches to be of higher standards is paying off more than I realised. So I guess if the guys started with a great and empowering intention of winning the hearts of the ladies and keep the thoughts of getting laid behind…they stand a higher chance!
Rachit…and again and again and again. Junkies to the core…so what? Let’s just leave the unenlightened junkies’ behinds behind the effective ones…that’s right! Left them to the front? Whatever!!
Wow! I didn’t expect this post to inspire so much discussion. Thanks Pete for chipping in, you always leave delicious little nuggets of wisdom (and no, you’re not an NLP encyclopedia…there can be only one!
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Rachit, I’m proud of your journey as a coach, from a newbie to a leading one. I like what you said about the intent being more important than the junkie, I’ve found that to be true as well and something I should practice more.
I remember doing a similar blog post on this a while back and you’re absolutely right that if you’re not in a frame of mind whereby you care about the individual and the results then you won’t be able to achieve the results that you desire.
Great post Alvin!
Thanks Amit! I’m glad you enjoyed it