The single most important principle I’ve learnt that has changed my life more than anything else is the principle of stretching:
Stretching is the act of doing something that you know is good for you and/or good for others and it scares you.
Imagine yourself at the centre of a circle. The edge of the circle is the edge of your comfort zone. It is everything that you know and are comfortable dealing with. Once in a while you might encounter an anomaly that hits the edge of your comfort zone, if it’s a little thing you expand to include it.
Now, if it’s a big thing, guess what? You’re going to be very uncomfortable. And what you decide to do about it is going to effect you in a major way. If you decide to avoid dealing with it, your comfort zone stays where it is. Not too bad, you get to be comfortable…you also get to not grow.
If you choose to deal with it, your comfort zone will expand to include it, and viola! You now have an even bigger comfort zone. The growth is not always guaranteed to be easy or painless though, in fact it usually isn’t.
We’ve all encountered situations like this when we’ve had to face difficult obstacles thrown our way.
Why choose to expand though when it’s more comfortable to stay the way you are? The key is to realize, your comfort zone is also your zone of power.
The more things in your life you get under your ability to handle, the wider your zone, the richer and greater your life becomes. A bigger comfort zone usually comes with a bigger sense of self-confidence, self-trust, more life experience, and a snowballing effect as you grow to want to grow even more.
What does a small comfort zone get you? Well, put it this way; how much can you squeeze into a tiny little box?
Expanding the edges of your comfort zone is always going to be uncomfortable. This can be a good thing. How else will you know that you’re on the edge of another level-up?
I can remember the first few times I started applying this principle. At first, whenever I made myself face up to new and challenging situations, I would get all tense, and cold numbing fear would crawl from the pit of my stomach all the way across my body…I would even shiver sometimes! Did I always manage to act inspite of my fear and break through my comfort barrier to grow?
Honestly, no.
But even half of the time is better than none of the time.
And as I continued to do it more and more, I got better at it. It doesn’t mean that the discomfort (fear, anxiety, stress, self-doubt) got any less. In fact, it sometimes got worse as the level of challenges I took on got higher. But then, so did my ability to handle them, and the things that used to scare me stopped scaring me after a while (while I use the example of fear, uncomfortable feelings at the edge of the comfort zone can take many forms).
The more I confronted my fear, the better I got at recognizing it. The more I stretched, the more I realized that whenever I felt the fear, instead of letting it stop me, I would recognize it as a sign that I had come up against my comfort zone and had a unique and valuable opportunity to expand and grow.
So instead of feeling afraid and going, ‘Oh no, I can’t do this’ like I used to, I’d go, ‘Aha, fear! I’ve come up against my limits again…time to face another challenge.’
I can guarantee you that if you keep stretching yourself, you’ll become so addicted to growth that fear will no longer become an obstacle but a trigger to act inspite of it.
A useful belief that I’ve come to adopt is this:
The level of challenges I’m facing in my life now are there only because I can now deal with them.
In other words, whatever level of challenge I’m facing right now is approriate to where I am now in my personal growth for my ability to tackle and surmount, no more, no less.
‘But Alvin, what if I go mountain climbing tomorrow and I have no experience or training. I mean, it scares me and it’d grow me…are you telling me to go?’
I’ve heard this type of question so many times in coaching that I’m going to bold my reply:
I said stretch, not be stupid!
Why so many people think stretching doesn’t work with intelligence is beyond me, but I’m here to tell you the happy truth: you can stretch and stretch intelligently.
Being intelligent people, you’ll know that there are some fears that are valid and rational. I will definitely feel afraid if I had to go climb a mountain the next day when I have zero experience in it, and that’s good fear because it’s stopping me from doing something that’s a stretch but not an intelligent one, and definitely not good for me at this point in time.
Keeping that in mind, I can guarantee you, that if you don’t take anything away from this blog, or if this is the only entry you ever read (I hope not! Bookmark us, subscribe to our RSS feed or emailing list and keep in touch!), but you take this principle of stretching with you and apply it throughout your life, you will grow above and beyond anything you could expect.
So the next time you encounter a chance to grow, but feel fear or discomfort and know that it’s not a rational or useful feeling, recognize it as only a trigger for you to break open your comfort zone and grow to the next level.
January 10th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
I just learn a new quote about stretching:
“It is not eliminating your fear. It is about working with your fear.”
January 10th, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Get real!!! Get comfortable outside your comfort zone. My next post.
January 11th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Anthony Robbins said that the principle of stretchings says “If I can’t then I must… and if I must, then I can!”
Interesting..
Food for Thought
January 12th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Let’s not forget that stretching is NOT limited to things that SCARE us.
Is “I’ve done my best” an affirmation of your efforts or a realistic evaluation of your ability or just a sorry excuse for resignation?
When you stretch to the point of “I’m at my best” while you are making changes about you, the irony is that you’ll be asking “how much better can I get?”
We say that to improve, we must stretch to the point where we will no longer move back to our old selves. New beliefs, new references and new ideas have to come about…will come about.
Stretching hence is also entraining ourselves to a level that has inspired us once before. We might have seen others operating at that level, we might have dreamt of being as enlightened…sometimes it scares us, sometimes it inspires us, even lifts us. If you are ever angry at yourself for being mundane, blame yourself for being stupid, see yourself as being small…if you ever stick your head out a little, go on a limb on a whimp, YOU ARE STRETCHING!!
If you decide to remain unchanged, be the same, stay status quo…you are even braver than you think you are coz you are stretching the most powerful constant of all:
That’s right folks! CHANGE is the only constant.
July 28th, 2006 at 11:03 am
I hear you! I remember the first time I went to a business networking group by myself – not much of a stretch by most peoples standards, but a massive deal for me. And survival led to an entire night on a high. Obviously now it is mundane
I have so many examples in busienss and personal life that I’ve gritted my teeth and said ‘what’s the absolute worst that could happen?’ and given it a shot… and survived and been better for it. It’s never a fun position, but stretching yourself is definately one of the best feelings you can get
By the way, I’ve never visited before, but it looks like you have a lot to offer, I’ll be a constant reader from now on…
July 28th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Thanks Natalie! Glad to have you around
September 25th, 2006 at 3:48 am
Very useful advice. I lost track of how many times I reserved to stay in my cozy zone. This is a wakeup call.
Thanks for a great advice, Alvin.
September 25th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
You’re welcome Sonny! I’m glad you found my post of value
June 14th, 2007 at 2:52 am
1st: The only PROBLEM that can happen with all this thoughts about stretching…. its useless, just because these are thoughts, and no more.
Make it more. Get yourself out of the right part of the brain core. Oversized, logical, circulative, useless… if it doesnt play as a team. Nobody ever got away on thoughts only.
Drop all your thoughts, let them flow thru your head, see them, correct their flow to the exit, to the use. Feel, act, create.
2nd: “I said stretch, not be stupid!” how about this one: “Stretching, not tearing apart”. Allows to visualize AND understand.
Greets,
Shinobi Lin
September 26th, 2007 at 11:04 am
I started doing this principle before i read it, but i was intriuged if other people felt the same way i did. so i looked it up and this is exactly what i’ve been doing. and i’m glad theres smart people like this.
please keep me posted on anything else
September 14th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I am so glad I have come upon this site! great advice….gets me motivated for a bit but then downhill i go again…how do i overcome or believe that I am going to overcome my self esteem/nervousness issues which i have been having for years..maybe becausue i stil havent found any passion in life? how do i find this?..i do try and see what really motivates me but i ahven’t figured that out..argh i hate feeling depressed ..any other advice u can offer?
September 15th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Take things step by step J
Narrow down one thing you’d like to improve in your life first and focus wholeheartedly on that. Small improvements are better than ambitious failures.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I did this a while ago. Had a fight inside my head and just went over and started talking to these girls… It went TERRIBLE, I messed everything up because I hesitated BUT! after doing it man I felt weird in a good way, like if I can do that… I can do anything.
I was more at peace and calmer and comfortable when coming back in to what was usual for me.
I couldn’t sleep because I had loads of realisations and epiphanies going off in my head.
I know I’m a better person now for doing what I fear and I want to keep pushing myself.
Great article. Thanks!