Everyone of us function daily on the basis of our assumptions. Assumptions are formed from the day we are born. We have to assume things like our transport will take us to where we want to go, the bank will keep our money safely, etc etc in order to prevent too much conscious thinking and to allow us to carry out our daily tasks and sort things out with greater ease. Unknowingly, some of these assumptions appear to become facts to us, which in reality, they are not!
In building rapport, we seek to demonstrate to other parties that we hearing them and understand where they are coming from. By doing this, we first have to respect the fact that the Map is not the Territory. (Read Alvin’s post on Your Map is in my Territory.)
Assumptions can cause us to make premature judgments and sometimes wrong judgments. So in striving to build rapport with others, we must uncover what lies in your Map, and reveal the hidden assumptions you made about yourself, others and the world in general.
You can ask yourself a few questions.
1) What do you believe in which others do not?
2) What do you assume that others are thinking so that they did what they did?
3) What do you assume that others are thinking so that they will do what they are going to do?
4) What are the things in your daily life you took as a matter of fact?
5) If ‘this’ is false, it means that…
6) How do you know these events are going to happen?
7) Why do you think of (your assumption) in such a manner? (this helps to uncover the assumptions beneath the assumption ;P) (Special thanks to Louise for coming up with this)
In communication, when you are aware of the assumptions, it allows you to listen closer to what others have to express as well as allow you to be more empathetic and see things from the other party’s perception. This naturally helps you in gaining rapport.
January 7th, 2006 at 3:28 am
Like ur post. I have come to realise that i assume too much. Especially on a gender basis. And therein lies the root of gender problems. =)
January 7th, 2006 at 5:41 am
Like I have commented in Alvin’s post, I still think the ultimate rapport-builder is: Your Territory is in my Map!
In all sense of reality, there is no way of avoiding having a pre-conceived notion of a person, event or thing. We are looking out through our own filter.
Yezhong’s post serves to remind us that we need to have the sensory acuity and behavioral flexibility to be an efective communicator.
Strangely though, an ecological NLP presupposition applicable to the things discussed here is: Behind every behavior is a positive intention.
January 7th, 2006 at 5:42 am
Now that’s an assumption too!!
February 2nd, 2006 at 7:39 pm
I found this blog whilst searching for info on NLP (Neuro linguistic programming) I notice that you have mentioned it on your blog, so i would like to ask a question and perhaps you or your blog readers could answer it.
My question is: Would it be possible to use NLP for helping you to learn a language? and if so, what techniques are best?
Many thanks,
Chris.
February 5th, 2006 at 2:03 am
Hi Chris
Yes it is definitely possible to use NLP to help with learning a language.
To be really honst, there is no fixed answer to your question. What you need to be asking is which technique out there is suitable for you. What may be best for others may not be suitable for you.
Having said that, adopting the general NLP attitude of “Wanton Curiosity” and being flexible will give you an edge.
Which ever modalities of learning you are using for picking up a new language (classes, coaching, audio-tapes or books) I suppose it’ll be useful to know how to model other people who can pick up new languages fast and being able to anchor yourself to peak learning state as well as sharpening your auditory acuity.
I can only discuss this in general. Modeling, anchoring and honing my listening is what I use to learn to speak with different English accent.
How can I better clarify these for you, Chris?