Before I go into rapport, I’ll need to cover this first. Some of you will already be aware of this often used phrase in communications and self-development:
The Map is not the Territory.
What it means is that as reality is filtered through our senses and then into our individual frames of reference (simply put, our bias) which include our beliefs and values, none of us has the same ‘map’ of reality in our minds.
And because our conscious mind can only register 7 plus or minus 2 bits of information out of the millions of bits that are constantly streaming through our senses, it’s also a fair bet to assume that each and everyone of us is only carrying an estimated ‘map’ of reality and not the exact thing.
2 people can walk out of the same movie and remember the same parts differently, or derive different meanings from it. 2 people can see a piece of roasted dogmeat and think it’s either an intolerable act of cruelty or an exotic and yummy treat.
Not arguing over which is right or wrong, or which is truthful or which is not, let’s first recognize the differences. And that’s because everyone has a different model of the world in their heads, your map and mine are both not the territory.
Now, during one of our talking sessions which are infamous for being 1) neverending 2) full of relevant nonsense, we Life Coaches came up with a twist to the famous dictum. Instead of only saying that the map is not the territory, let’s expand that to say;
Your Map is in my Territory.
What does that mean?
It means that we become more willing to be flexible. That instead of saying, your map is seperate from mine because it’s different, we say we’re going to expand our map to include yours. That way, our map becomes richer, and we gain the advantage of new insights.
And being able to switch inbetween maps is not only a tactical advantage, because the most flexible element in any system controls the system, being able to include new maps is also an essential skill in building rapport.
Why that is so I’ll get into more detail on my next post. But in the mean time, watch out baby! I’m rumbling over to conquer your map into my territory!