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Your Map is in my Territory

Before I go into rapport, I’ll need to cover this first. Some of you will already be aware of this often used phrase in communications and self-development:

The Map is not the Territory.

What it means is that as reality is filtered through our senses and then into our individual frames of reference (simply put, our bias) which include our beliefs and values, none of us has the same ‘map’ of reality in our minds.

And because our conscious mind can only register 7 plus or minus 2 bits of information out of the millions of bits that are constantly streaming through our senses, it’s also a fair bet to assume that each and everyone of us is only carrying an estimated ‘map’ of reality and not the exact thing.

2 people can walk out of the same movie and remember the same parts differently, or derive different meanings from it. 2 people can see a piece of roasted dogmeat and think it’s either an intolerable act of cruelty or an exotic and yummy treat.

Not arguing over which is right or wrong, or which is truthful or which is not, let’s first recognize the differences. And that’s because everyone has a different model of the world in their heads, your map and mine are both not the territory.

Now, during one of our talking sessions which are infamous for being 1) neverending 2) full of relevant nonsense, we Life Coaches came up with a twist to the famous dictum. Instead of only saying that the map is not the territory, let’s expand that to say;

Your Map is in my Territory.

What does that mean?

It means that we become more willing to be flexible. That instead of saying, your map is seperate from mine because it’s different, we say we’re going to expand our map to include yours. That way, our map becomes richer, and we gain the advantage of new insights.

And being able to switch inbetween maps is not only a tactical advantage, because the most flexible element in any system controls the system, being able to include new maps is also an essential skill in building rapport.

Why that is so I’ll get into more detail on my next post. But in the mean time, watch out baby! I’m rumbling over to conquer your map into my territory!

This post was written by:

Alvin Soon - who has written 458 posts on Life Coaches Blog.

Alvin has been a personal development coach and is the founder of Life Coaches Blog. He now writes full-time and keeps a personal blog at 21 Dragons.

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6 Comments For This Post

  1. Pete Says:

    Your Map and my Map is different version of the same Territory.

    The Map is not “The Map is not the Territory”

    The Map is not The Map “is not the Territory”

    IMHO, the ultimate rapport builder is to make the other person feel: Your Territory is in my Map.

    Inappropriately, Your Map is not my Territory and worst of them all, Your Map is my Terror!!

  2. Alvin Says:

    Hahaha ‘Your Territory is in my Map’. I like that Pete!

  3. tas Says:

    Interesting say. “Your territory is in my map.”
    Suggests openness…! possibility!?
    openness for insights of including a territory into a map.
    hm…. It really takes well flexibility to work in the map with ones’ territory. ;>

    hm…. on e other hand, presupposites ……..smthing……well can think of wat’s to it rite now. :-P

    Anyway, interesting insights of Your map, Pete, to my territory. ;>

  4. Pete Says:

    Strictly speaking, “The Map is not the Territory” is usually explained away in NLP such:

    The Territory is Reality; the Real World; the absolute truth and fact.

    The Map is our perception, filter and feelings that defines the Territory.

    The good NLPer looks at content.

    The better NLPer looks at context

    The discerning ones knows the difference.

    The best NLPer learns even while being confused and can even confuse while giving learnings.

    The lame ones think confusing others is the only way to make them good.

    The good better discern else they become lame.

    The meaning of my response is the communication you get :-P

    So Alvin, what do you think of this as a provocative approach?

    If your response is “Damn Pete, if only the relevant people get it….”

    Then, The Map is not the Territory, buddy.

    Do I hear you saying, “Bastard…..”

    :-P :P

  5. Alvin Says:

    Damn Pete, you lovable brilliant hunk. I would never call you a ‘Bastard’, never…when you ask for it ;P

    (I think I’ve just been provoked into not doing something)

    The good NLPers can tell if they’re relevant. The better NLPers turn whatever into a relevance they can use. And the best create relevance relevantly.

  6. dean Says:

    Very needed information found here, thank you for your work

1 Trackbacks For This Post

  1. Kloudiia’s Kit: Dating Affairs | Dating Love Relationship Romance » Archives » What Is Your Lingo, Mate? Says:

    [...] The same theory applies to how you communicate with your partner! If your partner doesn’t understand what it is you are conveying, then it is time that you have to change your method of communicating. There are many reasons why they couldn’t make sense of what you are saying. Some of theseĀ could be they having a different model of the world, their proficiency in the language you are speaking, their mood at that point of time or even the words that you aren’t speaking but are showing through other forms like body language. [...]

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