These last couple of weeks have been very difficult for me, I’ve had to deal with work stress from long hours and tight deadlines, coupled with some personal issues that cropped up at the same time. Like the saying goes, it doesn’t seem to just rain, it pours!
To keep myself going, I kept using an old and simple technique of mine. Whenever I felt a negative emotion welling up, I just told myself:
“Not now, later.”
Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it(very similar in thought to Pete’s Personal Mantra & Mantra 1 posts)?
The trick here is to use it for negative thoughts or feelings that I knew weren’t useful at that moment. You see, negative emotions, contrary to popular motivational-speak, can be useful, because they contain important positive intentions that need to be addressed. But it’s all in the context.
How did I know which was which? By asking myself if this thought or emotion could be addressed right at that moment. If not, then it wasn’t a useful time for it, and I told my mind to postpone it to a later time when it wouldn’t interfere with my work and when I could feel it and deal with it.
I came about it intuitively, so imagine my surprise when I read over at Matt’s Idea Blog a quote from the book Learned Optimism
You can undercut ruminations by taking advantage of their very nature. Their nature is to circle around in your mind, so that you will not forget them, so that you will act on them. When adversity strikes, schedule some time – later – for thinking things over … say, this evening at six P.M. Now, when something disturbing happens and you find the thoughts hard to stop, you can say to yourself, “Stop. I’ll think this over later … at such and such a time.”
Cool!
Did I ever get back to feeling those negative feelings though? Yes, sometimes, when I got home and had some free time to just sulk and worry. And sometimes, I interspersed those moments watching some comedy TV shows to dilute and interrupt the pattern. And sometimes, I just plain forgot, and felt good for no good reason.
November 19th, 2005 at 1:26 am
Love this post. I always tot it was something we learnt in POE. Breaking state? I’ve used it on myself and also when talking to others when i haven’t tot of an answer to address their problems. And when you come back to it, either yourself or the person has plain forgotten the point or lousy feeling, or its been much diluted. Test it out when you might be at a start of an arguement.. haha
November 19th, 2005 at 3:20 pm
I’ve been using this technique for quite a while now. Especially when it’s crunch time and I’m feeling negative over the things I have to do pronto.
“Save it for later….”
“Not now, later…..”
When you leave the negativity out, someone’s gonna come along and just steal it away from you.
Great post Alvin!!
November 21st, 2005 at 12:07 am
Jst sharing a line that i uses.
“i’m not the worst, and what else could happen then to leave this and move on…” =P
November 21st, 2005 at 4:14 am
Hey be careful tas
The “what else” could be the “worst” that happens rather than “moving on”.
If it’s useful and beneficial to you, let it shine man!!
Thanks for sharing!
November 21st, 2005 at 12:12 pm
Well maybe I should phase it this way
“I’m not the worst, stop dwelling and move on …..”
Strategy in POE context,
reframe and spring off with resourceful state. =)
Well I kinda like the way Pete mention to save it for later, and when we leave the negativity out someone may come along and steal it off. =)
(but bearing in mind not to return to the associated negativity state…
maybe when we are ready, to return as a 3rd party point of view and view the situtation perhaps new resolution may surface. =P)
Jst sharing my 2cents worth of senses….=p
November 21st, 2005 at 4:23 pm
Fact #1: You can never be the worst. Saying the “worst” frames you up to find the situation bad.
So if it’s not useful, leave it out. KISS my friend.
Stop dwelling and move on is so much better.
Fact #2:There’s no need to return to the associated negative state. When you return to review the situation, you’ll definitely find a resolution. Note it’s not solution that I’m talking about here.