Turning ‘If Only’ Around
Those of us from the Patterns of Excellence program already know how the power of words affect us, and how even a simple little word like ‘try’ affects our physical strength (not to mention mental and emotional!).
Without giving too much away to the non-Patterns of Excellence readers here, the wise Yoda explains it succintly in Star Wars Episode V:
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
But this post isn’t about ‘try’. This post is about another toxic word, or rather, a pair of toxic words. And they are the dreaded:
“If only…”
How many times have you heard:
“If only my parents were richer, I’d be…sigh.”
“If only I were better looking, I’d…sigh.”
“If only I had more time…sigh”
“If only I…blah blah blah…sigh”
And how many times have you spoken them?
I know I have, lots of times myself!
And whenever I have, I notice that I get into a victim state. “If only” tells your mind that things could be better but they’re not, and instead of doing that in a helpful way, it bemoans your poor stuck fate.
Get rid of it!
Well, what if you can’t (right now)?
Then, stick with it (for now)!
“Alvin has gone bonkers.”
No I haven’t! Hear me out…if you can’t get rid of the problem, let it go on…for the moment…and redirect it to flow to a situation. This is what I suggest (and hey it smacks of Pete’s ‘Get In Action‘ post, in which he says ‘The solution is in the problem’).
“If only my parents were richer, I’d have an easier time of it.”
“Hmmm.”
“Well, what could I do to make my parents richer?”
“Erm, by making myself richer?”
“What could I do to make myself richer?”
And you brainstorm how to make yourself richer.
Use the problem presented and turn it into a solution.
Test it out!
P.S. The above type of self-talk is best used silently in your own head while out in public.
P.P.S. One way to test it out is to observe when your friends or family use ‘If only’, and check their emotional state, whether it’s positive or not. And if it’s not, do them the favor of turning the ‘If only’ around!
I really enjoyed this post. It’s easy to forget how powerful our physical reactions are! I like your approach here. Especially reminding the reader that we are not always ready for change — though we think we are! I agree that the real failure is letting fear stop us. Thanks for posting this!
Hi Julie,
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad it was helpful! “Coping with Stress” is a part of a series of articles on Stress that I have written, hopefully Life Coaches Blog will be posting the rest. So keep in touch!
Kindest regards,
Karen
This is a great article. I especially like the list of symptoms… some of which a lot of people may not recognize as a sign of stress.
It’s also important to continue with your stress managment activities even when there are no signs or symptoms of stress. Doing this will help you become stressed less often and ward off stress before it even begins.
Hi Jill,
Absolutely, it should be a way of life! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Kindest regards,
Karen
Hi,
Great site!!!!! Good health is very important with the high cost of medical coverage. We need to have a healther lifestyle by taking care of our health eating and exercising. I am a cancer survivor and I know. Our health is our greatest asset. Keep up the Good Work!!!!!
The physical body does not differentiate between happy stress and overwhelm. Stress is stress. We need to develop coping mechanisms in our daily life to avoid the harmful, physiological effects of stress.